Monday, June 3, 2013

DAFT PUNK IN TWO PARTS. (PROLOGUE)

YO SO I WROTE A DAFT PUNK REVIEW FOR VICE THAT AINT RUN, ONE SOLICITED AND ONE UNSOLICITED HERE'S THE UNSOLICITED ONE FIRST AND I'MA GIVE YOU NIGGAS THE OTHER ONE IN A LIL MINUTE WHICH MAY END UP BEING TOMORROW DEPENDING ON HOW HIGH I GET LATER.



YO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
AHAHAH

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YO WHAT THE FUCK? SON I LISTENED TO "HOMEWORK" AS A JOKE SO I COULD START THIS OFF LIKE "REMEMBER WHEN DAFT PUNK WAS GOOD?"

THIS IS DENTIST OFFICE MUSIC MY NIGGA. THIS IS LIKE IF YOU PUT YOUR DAD IN A MUSIC STUDIO WITH A BUNCH OF "SMOOTH JAZZ" MUSICIANS AND WAS LIKE "I BET YOU CANT MAKE A DANCE MUSIC ALBUM DAD! I BET YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE FUCKING OLD!" AND HE JUST GO SO FUCKIN MAD AND WAS LIKE "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU PATRICK!! I'M NOT OLD!! I'M ONLY 55!! THAT'S NOT EVEN RETIREMENT AGE!!"

THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER HE EMERGES FROM THE STUDIO WITH HIS BROOKS BROTHERS SHIRT ALL WRINKLED AND UNTUCKED SMELLING LIKE MAD LIGHT BEER AND SHITTY WEED. AND SMUGLY HANDS YOU THIS ALBUM.

THEN YOU LISTEN TO THE SHIT AND IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE SHIT WAS FINNA SOUND LIKE B! THEN YOUR POPS IS HUMILIATED AND PUTS ON "THE NATIONAL" AND MERKS HIMSELF. I THINK I JUST WROTE AN "INDIE FILM". CATCH ME AT CANNES NEXT YEAR MUTHAFUCKAS.

IF THIS SHIT WAS A RAP MIXTAPE THAT HAD DROPS & SHIT IT WOULD BE LIKE "WAYMAN TISDALE ON THE TRACK BITCH!" BEFORE EVERY SONG. THIS IS THE SHIT JIMMY BUFFETT LISTENS TO WHEN HE'S ON MOLLY. THESE NIGGAS GOT INTERVIEWED AND THE NIGGA WITH THE ROBOT HEAD WAS LIKE "DANCE MUSIC IS IN A COMFORT ZONE" OH OK COOL SO BASICALLY YOU REVOLUTIONIZED IT BY MAKING AN ALBUM OF ADULT CONTEMPORARY 70'S DISCO P-NO ROBOT MUSIC? I THINK THESE NIGGAS ARE WASHED. I CAN PICTURE THESE NIGGAS IN THE STUDIO WEARING ROBOT HEADS LISTENING TO SKRILLEX LIKE "ZIS EEZ BOOL SHEET FRANCOIS! WHERE IZ ZEE FONKY BAZE LION? ZERE IS NO SOUL TO ZIS!! NO? WHERE IZ ZEE SOUL FRANCOIS? ZIS IS MERDE!" THEN THEY SMOKE A MILLION CIGARETTES AND MAKE AN ELECTRONIC KENNY G ALBUM THAT COULD ALSO BE THE SOUNDTRACK TO A LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE IF LORD OF THE RINGS WAS SET IN BOCA RATON ON A BOOZE CRUISE.

I GUESS THIS SHIT IS COOL TO FUCK YOUR WIFE TO WHEN YOUR KIDS FINALLY GO AWAY TO COLLEGE AND YOU GOT THE WHOLE HOUSE TO YOURSELF AND YOU CAN REVISIT THE DAYS OF HITTING MARGARET FROM THE BACK IN THE KITCHEN WHILE SHE MAKES BROWNIE BATTER. "BABY, JACKSON AND TYLER ARE FINALLY AWAY AT WESLEYAN AND I'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER FOR THIS MOMENT" *PUTS ON THIS ALBUM, PULLS DOWN TROUSERS TO REVEAL EMBARRASSINGLY FEEBLE GRAY BONER* I KNOW THAT'S A GROSS VISUAL BUT LUCKILY IT'S NOT A REAL THING THATS HAPPENING IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW WHILE YOU SIT IN YOUR ECONOMETRICS CLASS PRETENDING LIKE YOU NEED TO BORROW A PEN FROM THE BITCH NEXT TO YOU CUZ YOU WANNA SMASH.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 3 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE ALIX IS FRENCH AND I DON'T WANNA GO TOO HARD ON THE FRENCH NIGGAS BUT HOLY SHIT IF THIS ISN'T "MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH MDMA WHEN I'M 53" MUSIC I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS.

STANDOUT TRACK: IDK I STREAMED THIS SHIT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHATS WHAT AS FAR AS "TITLES". THERE WAS A FRENCH NIGGA TALKING SHIT ABOUT PLAYING GUITAR IN HERE AND THAT WAS CORNY SO I JUST STARTED LISTENING TO TITO SWING - "TO TOMAMO" AND NOW I'M EATING A VERY HEARTY MEAL CONSISTING OF PLATANOS AND FRIED CHEESES.

6 comments:

  1. lol you did it on this one my dude, WTF is the deal with this kind of music

    ReplyDelete
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  3. You're falling off cuzzo...

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