MERO MAILBAG 11/29 "VAGINAL ANXIETY"

I'm a relatively good looking dude that goes to school

that is comprised of 70 percent bitches, but I'm

struggling to get my body count up (from 0), mostly due

to anxiety disorders. How do I overcome my awkwardness

and fear of social situations so I can cartwheel into

bitches' dorm rooms with no slacks on multiple times a

week instead of none times a week?

DAMN B. THIS IS A TRAGEDY BECAUSE THE FEELING OF SLIDING INTO A WARM INVITING VAGINAL CANAL IS EXTREMELY GRATIFYING MY NIGGA. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE! I CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND THAT SHIT MY GUY BECAUSE I AM DOMINICAN AND LOST MY VIRGINITY WHEN I WAS 13 (HOURS OLD, IN THE NURSERY AT ST. LUKE'S.) NIGGA IT'S GONNA BLOW YOUR MIND. IT'S LIKE GETTING HIGH FOR THE FIRST TIME JUST KIDDING IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. PUSSY IS NOT DRUGS THAT IS A #KNOWLEDGEDART FOR YOU MY G. DO NOT ALLOW PUSSY TO OVERCOME YOUR WHOLE LIFE

ENVIRONMENTS LIKE CRACK COCAINE B...BECAUSE THEN YOU'LL BE ON MATCH.COM SENDING OUT 100000 MESSAGES A DAY THAT JUST SAY "HEY DOLL, WOULD LOVE TO TASTE YOU." AND CREEPING OUT MAD BITCHES ON A DAILY BASIS. PS DON'T EVER ASK A BITCH TO "TASTE" HER UNLESS SHE'S SAYING SOMETHING EQUALLY PORNOMANTICAL. NAHMEAN LIKE "I WANT YOU INSIDE ME!" WHICH IDK WHY BITCHES THINK IS ROMANTIC AND ALSO SEXY. THAT SHIT AIN'T SEXY B, I BE SAYING THE SAME SHIT TO THE MOFONGO AT EL MALECON. I DON'T WANT THE MOFONGO TO PENETRATE ME B.

ALSO THE NEW SHIT FOR 2013 IS ASKING BITCHES IF YOU CAN PENETRATE THEM B. JUST STEP TO A FEMALE LIKE "YO MA LEMME PENETRATE THAT."

AIGHT SO YO YOU HAVE CRIPPLING ANXIETY THAT'S KEEPIN YOU FROM GETTING PUSSY. OK. THIS WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IN ORDER ACCORDING TO THE SEVERITY OF YOUR ANXIETY.

1)BREATHE NIGGA! APPROACH WITH CONFIDENCE IT'S A FEMALE MY GUY YOU AREN'T IN SAUDI ARABIA NIGGAS ARE NOT GONNA DECAPITATE YOU IN THE TOWN SQUARE IF YOU SAY WASSUP TO A BITCH AND SHE REJECTS YOUR ADVANCES. THE ONLY THING THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IS SHE'S GONNA BE LIKE "NO THANKS" BECAUSE MOST BITCHES AIN'T THAT RUDE. IF SHE'S RUDE AND IS LIKE "EWW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" YOU CAN PRETEND TO HAVE A SEIZURE AND EVERYBODY WILL BE LIKE "WOW WHAT A BITCH SHE MADE THAT NIGGA HAVE A SEIZURE!” THEN SHE LOOKS LIKE AN ILL BITCH AND YOU WIN.

2)PUSSY IS LIKE BASEBALL. I TOLD YOU NIGGAS BEFORE MAN THIS IS A CRUCIAL DART RIGHT HERE B. PUSSY PERCENTAGES EXACTLY MIRROR BASEBALL. IF YOU BATTING .300 IN BASEBALL YOU ARE FUCKIN KILLING IT B, EVEN IF YOU BATTING .215 YOU STILL IN THE LEAGUE NAHMEAN NIGGAS AIN'T SENDING YOU DOWN TO THE DOUBLE A PISCATAWAY LOGJAMMERS FOR BATTING .215 YOU FEEL ME? IF YOU BATTING .102 THEN YOU NEED TO LAY DOWN SOME BUNTS. "MERO WHAT YOU MEAN LAY DOWN SOME BUNTS? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT TRANSLATES TO ME ENTERING PUSSY HOLES?" WELL SIR WHAT I MEAN BY LAYING DOWN A BUNT IS HITTING SOME EASY PUSSY LIKE FOR EXAMPLE A FAT BITCH.

3) FAT BITCHES. YO FAT BITCHES ARE EXCELLENT FOR GETTING THE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR DILLZ UP. THEY DON'T COMPLAIN, THEY'LL DO DEPRAVED SHIT YOU ONLY SEE ON APETUBE, AND THERE'S NO PRESSURE CUZ IT'S LIKE "OH WORD I GOT A LITTLE DICK? BITCH YOU ARE MORBIDLY OBESE HOW DARE YOU COMMENT ON THE STATE OF MY DICK?" NAHMEAN FAT BITCHES PLAY IT CLOSE TO THE VEST. I JUST USED THAT SAYING IN THE WRONG CONTEXT BUT FUCK YOU NIGGA ITS 8AM. TO FURTHER CONNECT MY PUSSY IS LIKE BASEBALL ANALOGY IMA PUT IT LIKE THIS, IF DOPE BITCHES ARE THE WORLD SERIES AND REGULAR BITCHES ARE THE PLAYOFFS, FAT BITCHES ARE SPRING TRAINING. TAKE IT EASY AND MASTER YOUR STROKE NO HOMO. BUT YOU GOTTA TAKE WILD XANAX BEFORE CUZ YOU DON'T WANT YOUR FIRST SEXUAL MEMORY TO BE OF YOU HITTING A BITCH THATS SHAPED LIKE A LOVESEAT FROM THE BACK. SPEAKING OF XANAX

4) TAKE A FUCKIN XANNIE BAR AND GO OUT THERE AND TALK TO EVERY BITCH MY NIGGA. IF YOU ARE AWAY AT SCHOOL OR EVEN ANYWHERE ON THIS PLANET YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOCATE SOME XANAX OR KLONOPIN B. TAKE HALF OF ONE BAR AND IN 15 MINUTES YOU'LL BE READY TO MACK TO ANY FEMALE ON THE FACE OF EARF B. ONE TIME I TOOK XANAX AND GOT ON THE TRAIN AND SAW BLOOMBERG AND TOLD HIM TO SLAPBOX ME ABOUT THE "NO BIG SODAS" MANDATE. THAT'S WHY YOU CAN DRINK BIG SODAS IN THE UNITED STATES NOW SO YOU'RE WELCOME. XANAX IS SUPREME FUCKIN CONFIDENCE IN PILL FORM AND EVEN IF YOU TRY TO MAKE YOURSELF NERVOUS YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO B. YOU WON'T BREAK A SWEAT CARTWHEELING ACROSS A TIGHTROPE 50000 FEET UP.

NAHMEAN THAT'S BASICALLY IT, YOU'RE WELCOME MY FRIEND PLEASE DONATE TO MY PAYPAL CUZ IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAS LIKE A THERAPY SESSION AND IF YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO THERAPY SHIT IT WOULD COST $OD.00 MY NIGGA SO YOU ARE ABLE TO PURCHASE YOUR MOMS 8 CHANUKAH PRESENTS BECAUSE I HELPED YOU OUT SO THROW ME SOME MONEY NIGGA. SHIT.

AIGHT I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE


OH YO PS SHOUTOUT TO MY NIGGA RRRRRRUS WHO BIRTHDAY IT IS TODAY AND WHO ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME TO START THIS VERY BLOG. ENJOY YOUR DAY MY NIGGA I'LL HOLLA.

PPS CHECK ME OUT ON NOISEY.COM I'M DOIN SHIT OVER THERE NOW MAKE THOSE NUMBERS POP AIGHT I'M TRYNA QUIT MY REAL JOB AND HIT MY BOSS IN THE CHEST WITH A HADOKEN