Saturday, September 10, 2011

#COKEDREAMS




IF YOU READ MY BLOG OR FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER (@THEKIDMERO HOLLA!) YOU'VE SEEN ME USE THE PHRASE "COKEDREAMS©" BEFORE. SOME OF YOU NIGGAS KNOW WHAT COKEDREAMS ARE AND SOME OF YOU DON'T. FOR THE ONES THAT DON'T KNOW WHAT COKEDREAMS ARE ITS WHEN A NIGGA DOES 4 BAGS AND IN BETWEEN CHEWING HIS TEETH AND ASKIN YOU FOR A CIGARETTE HE WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT SOME GRANDIOSE IDEA HE GOT. NOW THE REASON THE SHIT IS CALLED A "COKEDREAM" IS CUZ IT'S USUALLY SOMETHING RIDICULOUS THAT YOU, THE NON-COKEDREAMER KNOWS WILL NEVER HAPPEN. FOR EXAMPLE IF SOULJA BOY TWEETS "AY YALL I'M FINNA RUN FOR GOVERNOR OF MISSISSIPPI" YOU KNOW THAT NIGGA BLEW THAT PERU UP HIS NASAL AND IS COKEDREAMING. NAHMEAN?

IF YOUR MAN IS SITTIN THERE LOOKIN LIKE A SQUIRREL WITH BALL BEARINGS IN HIS JAW AND HE SAYS "YO I'M FINALLY GONNA GET THIS ALBUM POPPIN, IM GONNA DO IT OLD SCHOOL STYLE AND JUST SEND DEMOS TO RECORD COMPANIES NAHMSAYIN CUZ NIGGAS NOWADAYS RELY TOO MUCH ON THE INTERNET YOU FEEL ME MERO? YOU FEEL ME? NOTHIN IS ORGANIC ANYMORE MERO AND MY MAN TYRELL GOT THIS BAR HE BE AT AND THEY DO TALENT SHOWS SO IMA GO UP THERE AND RIP THE SHOW NAHMEAN CUZ NIGGAS...*JIBBERJABBER CONTINUES FOR ∞ MINUTES*" YOU KNOW THAT NIGGA IS COKEDREAMING CUZ HE DON'T EVEN RAP AND HE'S NEVER RECORDED ANYTHING IN HIS LIFE EXCEPT A VOICENOTE ON HIS PHONE WHEN HE WAS FRESSTYLIN ON XANAX AND THOUGHT HE SOUNDED LIKE NAS, "MERO...MY NIGGA, TELL ME I DON'T SOUND LIKE NAS ON LIVE AT THE BBQ?!" BRINGING UP THIS POINT WILL ONLY PROLONG SHIT WHILE HE TAKES AN EXTRA BILLION HOURS TO EXPLAIN HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN WORKIN ON SHIT FOREVER AND JUST NEVER PUT THAT MUCH EFFORT INTO IT. (YEAH I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT PAL).

IF YOU'RE WITH A FEMALE AND SHE STARTS TELLIN YOU HER COKEDREAMS ABOUT BECOMING A FAMOUS FASHION DESIGNER BY MAKING TSHIRTS WITH ONE SLEEVE "NOBODIES EVER DONE THAT! IT'LL BE SO FUCKING RAD! I'LL CALL IT "HAUS OF MONODEX!" COOL RIGHT?" THE EASIEST WAY TO GET PUSSY IS TO GO ALONG WITH THE COKEDREAM AND OFFER TO USE YOUR "INDUSTRY CONTACTS" TO HELP HER OUT. EVEN IF THE ONLY "INDUSTRY CONTACT" IS YOUR UNCLE RAMON THATS A DOORMAN AND SOMETIMES SEES MARC JACOBS' 2ND COUSIN BY MARRIAGE (GAY NIGGAS CAN GET MARRIED NOW IDK IF BLOOMBERG TOLD YALL). YOU WILL PROBABLY GET PUSSY THAT NIGHT IF YOU GO BACK TO THE CRIB AND LOOK AT HER SKETCHES...JUST KIDDING! WHAT SKETCHES? THIS WAS ALL A COKEDREAM, DUH NIGGA! ANYWAY, WHEREAS A NIGGA WILL EXPLAIN HIS COKEDREAM WITH ANOTHER COKEDREAM IF YOU SHATTER HIS ILLUSIONS, A FEMALE WILL JUST CRY AND CALL YOU AN ASSHOLE WHILE HER BEAK SPINS AROUND LIKE DAFFY DUCK. SO NEVER BURST A FEMALES COKE BUBBLE IF YOU WANT TO BEAT CHEEKS.

THERES DIFFERENT TYPES OF COKEDREAMS THOUGH, IT ALSO DEPENDS ON WHO YOU'RE WITH AND IF YOU ARE ALSO BLINGED OUT. LETS ASSUME YOU'RE FEELIN NICE BUT YOU'RE NOT ON LEVEL SHEEN YET.

TOUGH GUY COKE DREAMS:

THIS IS WHEN NIGGAS IS ON TUPAC IN JUICE BLING WIZARD MODE AND THEY BLEW THROUGH 3 POUCHES AND NIGGAS START TALKIN SHIT ABOUT NIGGAS IN THEY SURROUNDINGS AND ALSO NIGGAS THEY GOT "BEEF" WITH. THEY START TALKIN ALL CRAZY LIKE "YO I WISH THAT NIGGA WOULD LOOK AT ME ONE MORE TIME B I'MA HOOK OFF ON THAT NIGGA B. THAT NIGGA DON'T WANT IT WITH ME SON I NEVER TOOK A L IN MY LIFE NIGGA!" THIS IS MOSTLY A MALE PHENOMENON YOU FEEL ME AND IT USUALLY TAKES A TRIGGER FOR THE NIGGA TO GET AGGRESSIVE WIT IT (LIKE HE HEARS A WAKA FLOCKA SONG OR SOME SHIT). ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES YOU WILL SEE A YAY FUELED CATFIGHT AND WHEN YOU DO PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO RECORD IT AND UPLOAD THE SHIT TO WORLDSTAR. ALSO, DONT FORGET THE WORLDSTAR TRADITION OF NARRATING THE SHIT LIKE "YOOOO! WORLDSTAR MY NIGGAAAA! WE OUT HERE YOU FEEL ME! OHHHH SHIT SHORTY RIPPED HER TITTY OFF!"

IMPORTANT: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU LET YOUR MANS FIGHT SOMEONE WHEN HE'S IN THIS MINDSTATE CUZ HE'LL GET PIECED OUT 99% OF THE TIME AND END UP ON WORLDSTAR WITH ME NARRATING LIKE "THIS WHAT HAPPEN YOU START HAVIN THEM TOUGH GUY COKEDREAMS" THEN I ZOOM IN ON THE NIGGA LAYING ON THE SIDEWALK SNORING LIKE YOUR GRANDPA NAPPING IN A HAMMOCK.



SAVE THE WORLD COKEDREAMS:

THIS IS WHEN NIGGAS TALK ABOUT DOING SOME TYPE OF ACTIVIST BULLSHIT LIKE "CLEANING UP THE EARTHS GLOBAL ECTOTHEMOLOGY" OR "PROVIDING CLEAN WATER ACROSS THE GLOBE TO THOSE SUFFERING HARDSHIPS IN BILKANAWANJA" NIGGA GTFOH YOU SOUND LIKE A GRANT WRITER, YOU DO REALIZE NIGGAS ARE AT AN AFTER LOOKIN LIKE VENTRILOQUIST DUMMIES RIGHT? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT ADOPTING A DOG BECAUSE "I WANNA HAVE AN IMPACT YOU KNOW? LIKE THERE'S SO MANY HOMELESS DOGS OUT THERE JUST LIKE STARVING YOU KNOW? AND LIKE I REALLY THINK I COULD ADOPT ONE, THERE'S A SHELTER DOWN BY..." BITCH SHUT UP. I DON'T CARE I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH ACQUIRING MORE DRUGS AND MAYBE SOME BEERS. I DON'T CARE ABOUT NIGGAS IN AFRICA RIGHT NOW CUZ WE'RE IN A ROOM WITH NO WINDOWS LISTENING TO BON IVER AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE BON IVER B. I'M JUST HERE CUZ YOU GOT COKE SO PLEASE CEASE THE FUCKIN CAPTAIN PLANET SHIT BEFORE I PUT YOUR FACIAL IN THE RECYCLE BIN SO IT DON'T LEAVE A CARBON FOOTPRINT. YO IF YOU'RE DOING SHOELACES IN YOUR CRIB LATE NIGHT BE CAREFUL CUZ THOSE LITTLE BABY ANIMAL COMMERCIALS BE COMIN ON, YOU KNOW THE ASPCA OR PETA OR WHATEVER SHITS WITH SARAH MCLACHLAN SINGIN SOME SHIT LIKE "MY LITTLE PUUUUUPPY AAAAANGEL, YOU SACRIFIIIIICE YOUA LIIIIIIFEEEE" OR SOME BULLSHIT THERE. YOU GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR THESE CUZ THEY COULD TRIGGER A MASSIVE SAVE THE WORLD COKEDREAM AND YOU'LL HAVE TO KICK NIGGAS OUT SO YOU CAN LISTEN TO DAFT PUNK AND SEND YOUR EX 200 FACEBOOK MESSAGES IN PEACE.



FAME & FORTUNE COKEDREAMS:

THESE ARE THE MOST BASIC COKEDREAMS WHERE NIGGAS/BITCHES TALK ABOUT HOW THEY ABOUT TO COME UP IN MUSIC/ART/FASHION/ENTREPENEURSHIP/LIFE...THE PROBLEM IS THAT NIGGAS COME UP WITH BULLSHIT IDEAS BUT THAT YAKELBERRY MAKES NIGGAS THINK THEY GOT AN IDEA THAT MARK CUBAN WOULD THROW A MIL BEHIND SO THEY GET WILD HYPE AND GUESS WHO GETS TO HEAR ABOUT IT? YOU NIGGA. SORRY HOMIE THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA MAKE AN AWARD WINNING ROCK ALBUM, YOU DON'T PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS AND YOU'RE NOT FROM WILLIAMSBURG. YOU FEEL ME? SORRY TO SHATTER YOUR DREAMS BUT THAT INVENTION YOU'RE TALKIN ABOUT INVENTING WAS ALREADY INVENTED B, SHOES WITH WHEELS ON THEM ALREADY EXIST.

NIGGAS BE TALKIN ABOUT THE MOST DUMBEST SHIT AND ACTIN LIKE THEY ABOUT TO BECOME THE NEXT WARREN BUFFET. NIGGAS BE LIKE "DUDE...YOU KNOW ALOT OF PEOPLE SMOKE POT RIGHT? AND WHEN YOU SMOKE POT YOU GET THE MUNCHIES? WHATS THE BEST KIND OF MUNCHIES DUDE?..." AND BEFORE YOU CAN SAY "NIGGA I DON'T CARE THIS IS A COKE DREAM" HE'LL BE LIKE "ICE CREAM DUDE! I'LL DELIVER ICE CREAM! LIKE NETFLIX BUT FOR ICE CREAM!" THEN AFTER YOU TELL HIM ICE CREAM MELTS AND NIGGAS PROLLY WONT WANT ICECREAM WHEN ITS 20 BELOW OUTSIDE AND THERE'S ONLY 2 MONTHS OF SUMMER IN NY. (BIG MISTAKE) HE'LL EXPLAIN WHY IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE IN BETWEEN COKEDRIP SNORTS. YOU KNOW WHAT? I GUARANTEE THE STATEMENT "ITS LIKE NETFLIX BUT FOR [PRODUCT/SERVICE]!!" HAS BEEN INCLUDED IN COUNTLESS COKEDREAMS B.


YO SO NOW THAT YOU HAVE THIS VAST #KNOWLEDGE ABOUT COKEDREAMS© TRY TO CONSCIOUSLY AVOID TELLIN NIGGAS COKEDREAMS AT THE BAR WHEN EVERYONE IS LOOKIN FOR WOMEN TO HAVE SEX WITH. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOU GOING TO OPEN TRYOUTS FOR THE METS CUZ YOU LED YOUR HIGHSCHOOL TEAM IN DOUBLES SOPHOMORE YEAR AND YOU PROBABLY STILL GOT SOME POP IN YOUR BAT AND YOU STILL HAVE GREAT BASEBALL INSTINCTS AND AND AND (SEE WHAT I MEAN?)

IF WE'RE AT YOUR CRIB JUST ENJOY YOUR HIGH B PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LISTEN TO YOU FREESTYLING OVER JON SECADA INSTRUMENTALS.

#KNOWLEDGEDARTS FOR YOUR CRANIAL NIGGA BOW! BOW! BOW! BOW!

6 comments:

  1. Yo I always wanted to comment on why people say "Oh shittttt WORLDSTARRRRR WORLD STARRRRRR" in their videos. Like I didn't know if the camera people were that stupid (you basically just gave a tape that you created to a website who's going to steal your video anyway) or if Worldstar was putting in soundclips to make it look like everyone cares about the site. Either way, that's why I watch "One man gets jumped by 17 crips in eastern Ohio" on mute.

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  2. who the fuck would even THINK of trying out for the mets (coke or not) LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL? nice read though

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  3. u left out the retroactive coke dream otherwise known as the cokexaggeration.

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