10 [MORE] WORST NIGGAS ON TWITTER

 

YOU CORNBALLS DOIN TOO MUCH B.

 

 

 

 

AZAUILEIUSAL4LA BANKS

SMH.GIVE THAT POOR INDIAN GIRL HER HAIR BACK B.

WOW THIS BITCH GOT 2 SPOTS CUZ SHE IS THE FUCKING WORST HUMAN EVER. SHORTY CATALOG CONSISTS OF LIKE 2.5 SONGS FOR FLIGHTY LIMP WRISTED NIGGAS TO GET THEY RUPAUL ON TO, BUT SHE ON TWITTER VERY VERY VERY HEAVY TAKIN SHOTS AT EVERYBODY ON EARTH THAT PROLLY WON'T DO SHIT, SHE'S THE KEVIN GARNETT OF SHITTY MUSIC B. SHORTY GOT MORE FAKE HAIR THAN A WEREWOLF COSTUME FACTORY AND SHE DON'T KNOW WHEN TO CHILL. CHILL BITCH! YOU DOIN TOO MUCH. IF REMY MA WAS HOME THIS WOULD BE TAKEN CARE OF SWIFTLY AND PAINFULLY BUT SHE'S NOT SO SHORTY IS JUST ALLOWED TO RUN WILD RAMPANT TAKIN SHOTS AT EVERY GOONLESS MUSICIAN OUT HERE B. WHEN SHE SAID THAT SHIT ABOUT JIM JONES I PRAYED TO BABY JESUS THAT CAPO WOULD SEND SOME BITCHES WITH NECK TATTOOS TO GO PUT IN SOME WORK AT PRIDE WEEK OR WHEREVER ELSE SHORTY PERFORMS AT. ALAS IT DID NOT HAPPEN. I'M HOPIN SHE TAKES SHOTS AT LACHAT OR SOME OTHER WILD FEMALE THAT WILL KNOCK THE GLUE OUT HER WIGGINGTON.

SAMPLE TWEET

‏@AZEALIABANKS I been shooting these ASAP dudes down and getting under their skin since I was fifteen... These dudes ALWAYS been pretenders hahaaaaa

CLASSIC CORNY BEEF TWEET. ASAP IS WINNING, THIS BITCH IS MAKING MUSIC FOR NIGGAS TO "DUCK WALK" TO AND SHE OUT HERE TALKING SHIT. SOMEBODY NEED TO ROUNDHOUSE THIS BITCH IN HER UNNATURALLY LARGE CLITORIS.





 

 
NEW RO AGAINST THE WORLD

40 OZ VAN

THIS NIGGA IS ACTUALLY THE WORST. HE ONLY TWEETS LINKS TO $50 SNAPBACKS, (THEY ONLY AVAILABLE FOR 3.5 HOURS! HURRY! EXCLUSIVE!) WEED TALK AND HEART EMOJIS AT DYCKMAN "FASHIONISTAS" WHICH MEANS BITCHES THAT SHOP AT H&M. NIGGA BAFFLES ME WITH HIS POPULARITY CUZ SON IS BASICALLY THE SPANISHTWITTER NOTEBOOK. NIGGA TWEETS SHIT LIKE "CHOCOLATE IS DELICIOUS"...OH WORD? THANKS FOR THE INFORMATION MINIVAN I WAS NOT AWARE OF THIS. "IT'S QUIET FOR EARTHQUAKES" NO SHIT DICKHEAD WHO LIKES EARTHQUAKES? THIS IS THE NIGGA IN YOUR CREW THAT SAYS OBVIOUS SHIT IN ORDER TO GET SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. EXCEPT I'M NOT IN THE NIGGAS CREW TO BE LIKE "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR LITTLE HAT MONEY NIGGA, YOU ARE FUCKING SOCIALLY AWKWARD." THIS NIGGA IS THE PERSONIFICATION OF HOOKAH SMOKE B GET THIS GUY OUTTA HERE. NIGGAS SHOULD BUILD A FORCEFIELD AROUND NEW ROCHELLE AND CANCEL THIS NIGGA DATA PLAN SO HE CAN'T EXPOSE ME TO ANYMORE CORNY HATS OR PICTURES OF BITCHES I CAN GET A BLOWJOB FROM IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM ON A WEDNESDAY AT RIVIERA'S.

SAMPLE TWEET:
@40oz_VAN: The only baggage you should ever bring on vacation is that one suitcase containing clothes.

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN NIGGA? ARE YOU THE PUERTO RICAN DR. PHIL? GO DO A CARTWHEEL ONTO THE HUTCH NIGGA IF I SEE YOU SMOKIN A BLUNT IN MY STAIRCASE I'M PUSHIN YOU DOWN THE STAIRS.

 

   

SHORTY GAVE ME THE MIDDLE FINGER! *GASP*

  JENNYJOHNSONHI5

IS THIS WHAT "FUNNY SOCCER MOMS" ARE LIKE? BRUH THIS BITCH HAS NEVER ELLICITED NARY A CHUCKLE FROM ME B. I THINK I GOT TO TWITTER LATE CUZ THIS BITCH HAS 30 MILLION FOLLOWERS WHICH JUST PROVES MY THEORY THAT BLONDE WHITE WOMEN DOING SHIT THEY NOT ACCUSTOMED TO DOING WILL DRAW A HUGE FOLLOWING. I'M ABOUT TO DYE MY WIFE'S HAIR BLONDE AND MAKE HER START RAPPING OR DOING COMEDY WHERE SHE CURSES SOMETIMES. THIS BITCH IS BASICALLY THE NIGGA DOING OPEN MICS AT YOUR LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE EXCEPT BLONDE WITH TITS (I THINK). SHORTY BE MAKING HORRENDOUS JOKE AFTER HORRENDOUS JOKE AND NOBODY EVER SAID SHIT TO HER UNTIL SHE WAS LIKE "CHRIS BROWN IS A FUCKING NIGGER" (I'M PARAPHRASING) THEN ALL BREEZY'S FANS JUMPED ON HER JUMBO CLIT LIKE "I'LL KILL YOU YOU WHITE BITCH!" AND WHITE PEOPLE WERE LIKE "YAAAYYYY! NICE WHITE WOMAN VS SCARY BLACK MILLIONAIRE!" AND THIS BITCH FANBASE EXPANDED TO INCLUDE CLOSET RACISTS AS WELL AS NIGGAS WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOR WHO DVR "HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER"

SAMPLE TWEET:
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Do I have any followers in Amsterdam? Can someone take me to the classy places? Like where Anne Frank used to drink beer. #Classy

THAT'S A JOKE. THAT WAS A JOKE. YOU DEFINITELY HAVE FOLLOWERS IN AMSTERDAM WHO ARE SO HIGH THEY SHIT HASH OIL AND EVEN THEY DON'T LAUGH AT THIS TYPE OF SHIT.

 

NIGGA YOU LOOK LIKE A HIPHOP VAMPIRE

REV RUN

COME ON BRUH WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKIN DESK CALENDAR IN MY GUIDANCE COUNSELORS OFFICE? ARE YOU A FUCKING POSTER FROM A TEACHER'S STORE MY GUY? CUT IT OUT WITH THE 140 CHARACTERS OF MOTIVATION B. THE ONLY THING YOU MOTIVATING ME TO DO IS BLOCK YOUR HOLY ASS ON TWITTER MY PAL. YOU DRESS LIKE THE UNDERTAKER IS YOUR STYLIST MY NIGGA I GET THAT YOU'RE A "REVEREND" BUT DO YOU HAVE TO DRESS LIKE A MAFIOSO HIPHOP CHURCH NIGGA AT ALL TIMES? YOU DRESS LIKE A CHARACTER IN A GRAPHIC NOVEL SNOOP DOGG INVENTED CALLED "DA BYSHOP"...IF YOU SPENT THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME WATCHING YOUR KIDS THAT YOU DO AT BARNES & NOBLE QUOTING SELF HELP BOOKS FROM THE DOLLAR BIN MAYBE THEY WOULDN'T GET BEAT UP ON INSTAGRAM BY WEED CARRIERS. I DONT WANNA PRAY ON TWITTER MY NIGGA I WANNA LAUGH AND LOOK AT TITS. THANKS FOR THE BLESSINGS AND ALL THAT BUT I'M GOOD. I'M A BUDDHIST SCIENTOLOGIST (I SMOKE WEED THEN I MAKE UP THINGS THAT SOUND LIKE FACTS.)

SAMPLE TWEET:

@RevRunWisdom: Be grateful.. It's the cure for being hateful

*WEE BEY GIF*

 

LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN COWARD B NIGGA LOOKS LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC DYKE

DONALD TRUMP

WOW WOW NIGGAS GAVE THIS GIRLYMOUTH COWARD A PLATFORM TO EXPRESS HIS BITCH ASS OPINIONS B. THIS NIGGA NEVER HAD AN INTELLIGENT THOUGHT IN HIS LIFE AND NOW NIGGAS ON THE INTERNET IS EXPOSED TO THIS NIGGA SAYIN SHIT LIKE "OBAMA WAS ON VACATION THIS WEEK WHILE WE AMERICANS ARE STARVING TO DEATH" NIGGA YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO SATAN FOR ETERNAL RICHES B GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE. YOU NOT A REGULAR AMERICAN B I BET YOU NEVER EVEN FUCKED A GIRL IN A STAIRCASE. NAHMEAN HOW CAN YOU SPEAK FOR AMERICA WHEN YOU GOT A TOUPEE MADE OUT OF LIVE BABY SCALPS? NIGGAS SKINS BABIES FOR THEY HAIR BUT HE'S SPEAKING FOR "REGULAR AMERICANS" HAVE YOU EVEN EVER 69'D WITH A FEMALE ON A SOFA LIKE REGULAR AMERICANS (ME)? DEFINITELY NOT. FUCK YOU AND YOUR TWITTER WHITE DEVIL. THIS RACIST NIGGA PROLLY GOT A MEXICAN BITCH TO CLEAN HIS PPHOLE AND A JAMAICAN BITCH TO CHANGE HIS DIAPERS.

SAMPLE TWEET:
Golf match? I've won 18 Club Championships including this weekend. @mcuban swings like a little girl with no power or talent. Mark's a loser

MARK'S A LOSER BUT YOU'RE OVER HERE TRYING TO AIR OUT A NIGGA ON TWITTER LIKE HE GAVE YOU GONORHEA. GO TO BOSNIA OR SOMEWHERE WITHOUT INTERNET TO FIND A NEW WIFE DOG THIS ONE IS ALMOST EXPIRED.

 

CIROC IS THE BLACKTWITTER HOLY GRAIL

BLACKTWITTER

 

FUCK ALL THESE NIGGAS YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO THEY ARE. HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T. NOT EVEN GONNA LIST THESE NIGGAS I DON'T WANNA GIVE THEM AND THEY FOAMPOSITES ANY SHINE AT ALL. "TWITTER FAMOUS" CORNBALLS WHO WATCH VH1 REALITY SHOWS LIKE THEY ON VIACOM PAYROLL NIGGAS WAKE UP GENUFLECT AND KISS THE TIP OF JOE BUDDENS DICK EVERYDAY LIKE ITS THEY GRANDMA LANGUISHING IN HOSPICE CARE. THEY WOULD TRADE A VITAL ORGAN TO BE A MEMBER OF A RAPPER'S ENTOURAGE BUT IN THE MEANTIME THEY WILL DIGITALLY DICKRIDE THEIR PREFERRED ARTIST  AND CONTRIBUTE SOCIAL COMMENTARY FOR SOCIALLY RETARDED INDIVIDUALS, UNMIXED UNEXCLUSIVE "FOLDERS" OF MUSIC (SPOTIFY EXISTS, YOU CAN KEEP THOSE) AND PICTURES I COULD PROBABLY FIND ON BUZZFEED IF ANY MINORITIES WORKED AT BUZZFEED. (SCOTT WATTUP) SOME OF THESE NIGGAS EVEN GOT THE AUDACITY TO HAVE MANAGERS! WHAT IS THAT GUY MANAGING PAL? YOUR TROPICANA 2% JUICE INTAKE? GO FUCK YOUR GRANDPA IN THE BUTT YA JERK.

SAMPLE TWEET:
"@BLACKTWITTER: fellas! how yall feel about $200 dates! LML IM OUT! *EMOJI**EMOJI**EMOJI**EMOJI*"

THIS ISN'T A "REAL" TWEET BUT GO ON ONE OF THESE NIGGAS PAGES AND SCRAMBLE THOSE WORDS AROUND AND YOU'LL EVENTUALLY SEE THE SAME TWEET.

 

IDK BRUH.

AMANDA BYNES

A LITTLE TORN HERE BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY REALLY EXCITED THAT AMANDA BYNES CELEBRITY SWAG TRAJECTORY WENT FROM MANDY MOORE TO "PUERTO RICAN STRIPPER AT THE MALL ON HER DAY OFF" IN THE SPAN OF LIKE 3 YEARS B. BUT WHO IS YOUR STYLIST MA? A BARTENDER FROM PERFECTIONS? THIS BITCH IS LIKE 5 MONTHS AWAY FROM DOING A "WORLDSTAR HONEYS" VIDEO AND LIKE 10 MONTHS AWAY FROM RELEASING A FULL BLOWN SEXTAPE WITH GUDDA GUDDA OR SOME SHIT. SHORTY IS WILD SHE GOT HER FACIAL PIERCED AND WEARS MORE MAKEUP THAN EVERY SPANISH BITCH ON TWITTER. SHE ALSO IS HEAVILY INTO BENZOS JUDGING BY HER TWITTER FEED AND PHOTOS. I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS POSITIVE OF NEGATIVE B. DOES SHE EVEN BELONG ON THIS LIST? I WILL MAKE THAT FINAL DECISION BASED ON WHETHER OR NOT SHE RETURNS MY DM THIS EVENING.

SAMPLE TWEET

‏@AmandaBynes: If I'm not following you on twitter, I hate you

NOT SURE BUT I THINK I LOVE YOU.

 

SHE NEVER DATED BLACK NIGGAS SO HER KIDS IS MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME BY SUCKIN EVERY RICH BLACK DICK IN AMERICA

KRIS JENNER

THIS SHOULD REALLY BE THE WHOLE KARDASHIAN FAMILY CUZ THOSE NIGGAS PROVIDE ABSOLUTELY NO POSITIVE VALUE TO SOCIETY B. I'LL GET ARRESTED FOR SITTING IN THE STAIRCASE DRINKING A BEER BUT THESE BITCHES (THEY ALL HOES B EVEN ROBERT) GET CHECKS TO SIT AROUND IN BAD OUTFITS AND 76 OUNCES OF MAKEUP DRINK MIMOSAS AND TALK ABOUT BOTOX? AT LEAST I SAY FUNNY/SMART SHIT WHEN IM CONSUMING MY ALCOHOL. KRIS MIGHT BE THE WORST THO CUZ SHE SYSTEMATICALLY HOING OUT HER KIDS. IF I MAKE MY SON SELL SNICKERS ON THE TRAIN ACS WILL TAKE THAT NIGGA AWAY. NAHMEAN IF MY SON GRABS A JAR IN THE SUPERMARKET AND THE SHIT BREAKS AND I SMACK THE NIGGA I'LL GET ARRESTED BUT THIS BITCH WAS PROLLY IN THE CUTTING ROOM EDITING THE VIDEO OF KIM SUCKING THE SOUL OUTTA RAYJ PPHOLE. IMAGINE I RELEASED A SEX TAPE OF MY KID NIGGA? READ THE SENTENCE "I RELEASED A SEXTAPE OF MY CHILD" AND PROCESS THAT SHIT. CMON B. FUCK YOU AMERICA. YOU NIGGAS READY FOR A GONZO MULTIPLE ANGLE KENDALL JENNER BJ TAPE? THAT'S COMING UP NEXT AFTER KIM FALLS OFF AND EVERYONE REALIZES KANYE IS USING HER TO DIM THE RAINBOW AROUND HIS WHOLE EXISTENCE.

SAMPLE TWEET
@KrisJenner Meet Kim this Saturday at Kardashian Khaos in @TheMirageLV in Vegas! Details here: http://bit.ly/k0RdUEy  WOOOHOOOOOOO!

"KARADASHIAN KHAOS" MY NIGGA. COINCIDENTALLY THAT'S THE NAME OF THE GANGBANG PORN THIS BITCH HAS BEHIND AN EMERGENCY GLASS ONCE THIS RAYJ DNA WAVE SUBSIDES. 

 

IS THIS NIGGA WEARING A MOUTHGUARD?

UGO LORD

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NIGGAS DEAL? NIGGA LOOKS LIKE JIMINY CRICKET WITH AN INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH PERM B. IS HE ONE OF THESE MOTIVATIONAL NIGGAS? WHAT KINDA MOTIVATION IS THIS NIGGA GONNA GIVE ME B? NIGGA LOOKS LIKE HE SHOPS EXCLUSIVELY AT XIOS B. THIS NIGGA LOOKS LIKE A RACIST CARTOON THAT RICKY MARTIN SAW AND SAID "I WANT TO BE THIS GUYS STYLIST WHILE I LISTEN TO JON SECADA" THAT'S THIS GUYS VIBE. NIGGA IS A "MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER" WHICH BUGS ME THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE THESE NIGGAS MAKE OD FUCKING MONEY TO GO INTO A CONVENTION CENTER AND BE LIKE "HARNESS THE POWER OF YOUR INNER MIND CYCLE!! THE SELF PRETERNATION OF YOUR DONGLIKUE IS IN ITS ROTATION!! CAPTURE IT!!" NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IF YOU NEED A NIGGA WITH RODENT TEETH TO TELL YOU TO "HARNESS YOUR MINDS POWER" YOUR MIND DON'T GOT ANY FUCKIN POWER TO BEGIN WITH. THIS NIGGA PROBABLY FLYING ON A JET WITH HIS FACE ON IT BECAUSE NIGGAS GET DUMPED BY THEY GIRLFRIEND AND DON'T HAVE A FRIEND WITH A BLUNT TO BE LIKE "PUSSY IS PUSSY NIGGA GROW UP" GET THIS GUY ALL THE WAY THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B. THERE'S POSTER'S IN OFFICES ACROSS AMERICA THAT DO WHAT YOU DO AND ARE MORE COST EFFECTIVE.

SAMPLE TWEET

@UgoLord: We're all in this together doing everything we can to live our dreams. We make mistakes along the way but learning from them makes us strong

THIS IS 40OZ VAN WITH 18 COLLEGE CREDITS.




YO I'M OUTTA HERE. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS INSTALLMENT. IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE AND YOU GOT ALL UPSET HOLLA AT ME I'D BE GLAD TO HAVE YOU VISIT THE FRONT OF ED'S BUILDING SO 20 13YEAR OLD DOMINICAN GANG MEMBERS CAN BEAT YOUR EYEBALLS OUT YOUR DOMICILE. 

#KNOWLEDGE

MOMENTS OF GREAT ANTICIPATION & SHIT LIKE THAT.

 

THIS NIGGA WAITIN ON SOME PUSSY

YO YOU EVER BE CAUGHT IN A MOMENT OF PURE ANTICIPATION MY NIGGA? LIKE YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT IN EROTIC SUSPENSE LIKE YO THIS SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN? I JUST WOKE UP AND THOUGHT IT WAS SATURDAY. THAT IS OF LITTLE RELEVANCE RIGHT NOW BUT I JUST TOLD Y'ALL CUZ WITH MY BLOG AS WELL AS ALL MY ENDEAVORS I STRIVE FOR TRANSPARENCY NAHMEAN BECAUSE I WANT THE SOURCE OF YALL NIGGAS KNOWLEDGEDARTS TO BE VERY TRUSTWORTHY & SHIT. LIKE FOR EXAMPLE SOMETIMES I JERK ILLZ IN THE SHOWER NO HOMO. YOU NIGGAS AINT NEED TO KNOW THAT BUT IN MY QUEST FOR OPENESS AND LOVE WITH MY PEOPLES I JUST TOLD YALL NIGGAS THAT. THIS IS TURNING INTO A POST WHERE I AINT WRITIN ABOUT SHIT SO LEMME GET TO THE POINT, SINCE I KNOW YOU NIGGAS HAVE NO DESIRE TO HAVE A DISCOURSE ABOUT ME JERKING ILLZ WHILE I BATHE MYSELF. I WOKE UP TODAY AND WAS LIKE "YO THERE'S MOMENTS OF GREAT ANTICIPATION IN LIFE MY NIGGA." AND THEN I WAS LIKE "WELL WHAT'S SOME OF THEM MY GUY?" SO ON MY WAY TO WORK I LISTENED TO FRENCH MONTANA AND COMPILED A SHORT LIST OF MOMENTS OF INTENSE ANTICIPATORY VIBES AND HERE'S THEY ARE.

SEEING A GIRLS VAGINA FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THIS IS WHAT SET IT OFF FOR ME CUZ I THINK I SAW A PICTURE OF A VAGINA ON THE INTERNET AND IT TRIGGERED MEMORIES OF WHEN I SAW A FEW IMPACTFUL VAGINAS IN MY LIFE. THE FIRST TIME YOU TAKE SHORTY PANTIES OFF AND THE BAGINER IS JUST SITTIN THERE LOOKIN LIKE AN OLD MAN WITH HIS FACE PRESSED AGAINST THE WINDOW OF THE BX40, TECHNICALLY ITS DISGUSTING RIGHT? THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A "PRETTY PUSSY" B NO MATTER WHAT PLIES SAYS. I LOVE PUSSIES BECAUSE THEY ARE WARM HAVENS FOR MY PP BUT THEY ARE NOT AESTHETICALLY PLEASING TO YOUR EYESIGHT NAHMEAN? PUSSIES ARE NOT AERODYNAMIC MY NIGGA THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT DESIGNED THEM B. THOSE SHITS LOOK LIKE A PINK BABY OCTOPUS NAPPING IN A PASTRAMI SLEEPING BAG. BUT YO WHEN YOU SEE THAT SHIT FOR THE FIRST TIME IT'S LIKE YOU P DIDDY RUNNING THE MARATHON WITH A MOHAWK AND YOU APPROACHING THE FINISH B. TEARS OF JOY RUN DOWN UR CHEEKS AS YOUR APPROACH THAT SHIT MY NIGGA JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THE PHONECALLS AND TEXTS WHERE YOU HAD TO GOOGLE SHIT TO PRETEND YOU KNEW ABOUT MARIAH CAREY & SHIT. THAT ONE TIME YOU HAD TO GO TO THE FUCKIN LINCOLN CENTER BALLET AND HAD TO BUY THIS BITCH A TINY PLASTIC CUP OF M&M'S FOR $5. THE ANTICIPATION LEADING UP TO THE PANTY REMOVAL IS LIKE UNEARTHING LIL JESUS FROM HIS TOMB B. IT'S LIKE DISCOVERING A DINOSAUR DICK BONE EXCEPT YOU ABOUT TO GET PUSSY AND ARCHAEOLOGISTS DON'T GET NO TYPE OF PUSSY. I KNOW THIS CUZ MY SON WATCHES DINOSAUR TRAIN AND DR. SCOTT THE PALEONTOLOGIST LOOK LIKE HE HAVE NOT ONCE HAD SEX WITH A WOMAN.

FIRST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH A FEMALE YOU BEEN TRYNA FUCK SINCE THE 12TH GRADE

WOW THIS IS SO REAL ALSO KEEPING WITH THE TREND OF FIRST GLIMPSE OF THE TOTO. THIS IS DIFFERENT BECAUSE IT DON'T HAVE TO NECESSARILY BE YOU SMASHING CHEEKS. NAHMEAN MY FIRST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH THIS OUTRAGEOUSLY BAD BITCH I WAS FUCKIN WITH MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE WAS A BJ IN THE DARK. THAT MADE THE SHIT EVEN MORE ANTICIPATORY YOU FEEL ME? WE LAYING ON THE FLOOR KISSING & SHIT THEN I FEEL SHORTY HANDS WANDER DOWN MY TROUSERS ON SOME SALACIOUS SHIT AND I JUST RELAXED LIKE I WAS SKYDIVING B. I JUST COOLED OUT AND WAITED FOR THE MOMENT LIKE OK...OK...OK AHHHHHH (SHE PUT MY PP IN HER MOUTH). THAT GLORIOUS MOMENT THAT NIGGAS ALL WAIT FOR WHEN SHORTY INITIATES TOP. THAT SHIT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF WALKING INTO YOUR CRIB AFTER A LONG WALK HOME IN THE RAIN AND YOUR CRIB IS TOASTY WARM AND YOU GOT YOUR NAUTICA SWEATS AND TSHIRT FOLDED NEATLY ON YA BED MY NIGGA AND YOU JUST VESTICATE YOURSELF WITH THOSE SHITS. ITS A VERY SOOTHING MOMENT OF WARMTH AND SAFETY. IN THE CASE OF SMASHING CHEEKS ITS SIMILAR EXCEPT SHORTY BAGINA DON'T HAVE TEETH AND IF IT DO YOU NOT LIVING IN REAL LIFE AND YOU PROLLY READ ANIME BOOKS IN YOUR ROOM SITTING INDIAN STYLE LIKE A LITTLE RACIST BITCH. 

FIRST HIT OF A BLUNT

MAN THIS SHIT IS A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE B. YOU BEEN WAITING ALL DAY TO GET OUTTA WORK AND YOU STOP BY THE BODEGA TO COP A DUTCH THEN YOU ARRIVE AT YOUR CRIB AND SET UP YOUR WHOLE LITTLE ALTAR OF MARIJUANIFICATION. YOU GET YOUR GATORADE (BLUE JOINT) TURN ON YOUR DVR'D KNICKS GAME AND THE WHOLE TIME YOUR MOUTH IS WATERING NO HOMO WAITING FOR THAT FIRST MIRACULOUS LUNGFUL OF HERBAL KNOWLEDGE. THIS SHIT IS VERY SUSPENSEFUL CUZ THEN YOU ALSO LIKE "AM I HIGH?" AND THEN IT'S LIKE "BINGO." THATS REALLY ALL I GOTTA SAY ABOUT THAT B NOT MUCH NEED TO BE SAID LIL NIGGAS. IF YOU SMOKE WEED YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT AND IF YOU DON'T SMOKE WEED, THROW YOUR FACIAL IN THE GARBAGE. DON'T JUDGE ME B BECAUSE YOU PROLLY GET FALL DOWN DRUNK ON WEEKENDS AND GO HOME AND HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH A MORBIDLY OBESE HUMAN OF UNINTELLIGIBLE GENDER B. NAHSAYIN SO FUCKIN RELAX NIGGA YOU SNIFF SO MUCH COKE YOU GOT NO SEPTUM SO DON'T SAY SOME SIDEWAYS SHIT ABOUT WEED. I WOULDNT NOT PAY MY PHONE BILL FOR WEED. TAKE IT EASY PLAYER.

I GOT 3 MORE TO ADD TO THIS BUT YOU NIGGAS RARELY HIT MY PAYPAL AND GUESS WHAT? I GET PAID TO WRITE SO I'M NOT GIVIN NIGGAS FREEBIES. SORRY! I'M BROKE I CAN'T BE NICE MY NIGGA I EAT THE MOST DEPRESSING MEALS YOU COULD EVER VISUALIZE IN YOUR MIND B, I JUST HAD A MAYONAISE SANDWICH AND TAP WATER FOR LUNCH. SO NO FREEBIES. NIGGAS ALWAYS WANT FREE SHIT EVEN WHEN THEY GOT MONEY. I DEMAND FREE SHIT CUZ I AIN'T GOT NO CHOICE. MY NIGGA...IMAGINE YOU WENT TO A STRIP CLUB AND AINT HAVE TO TIP/BUY A SINGLE DRINK? YOU KNOW WHAT STRIP CLUBS WOULD LOOK LIKE? ALL THE BITCHES WOULD LOOK LIKE THEY JUST CAME OFF A VH1 REALITY SHOW MY NIGGA. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? OR YOU WANT HARDWORKING LATINAS THAT TAKE PRIDE IN THEY CARTOONISH SURGICALLY ALTERED ASS CHEEKS? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

AIGHT I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGEDARTS

MERO MAILBAG 11/29 "VAGINAL ANXIETY"

I'm a relatively good looking dude that goes to school

that is comprised of 70 percent bitches, but I'm

struggling to get my body count up (from 0), mostly due

to anxiety disorders. How do I overcome my awkwardness

and fear of social situations so I can cartwheel into

bitches' dorm rooms with no slacks on multiple times a

week instead of none times a week?

DAMN B. THIS IS A TRAGEDY BECAUSE THE FEELING OF SLIDING INTO A WARM INVITING VAGINAL CANAL IS EXTREMELY GRATIFYING MY NIGGA. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE! I CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND THAT SHIT MY GUY BECAUSE I AM DOMINICAN AND LOST MY VIRGINITY WHEN I WAS 13 (HOURS OLD, IN THE NURSERY AT ST. LUKE'S.) NIGGA IT'S GONNA BLOW YOUR MIND. IT'S LIKE GETTING HIGH FOR THE FIRST TIME JUST KIDDING IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. PUSSY IS NOT DRUGS THAT IS A #KNOWLEDGEDART FOR YOU MY G. DO NOT ALLOW PUSSY TO OVERCOME YOUR WHOLE LIFE

ENVIRONMENTS LIKE CRACK COCAINE B...BECAUSE THEN YOU'LL BE ON MATCH.COM SENDING OUT 100000 MESSAGES A DAY THAT JUST SAY "HEY DOLL, WOULD LOVE TO TASTE YOU." AND CREEPING OUT MAD BITCHES ON A DAILY BASIS. PS DON'T EVER ASK A BITCH TO "TASTE" HER UNLESS SHE'S SAYING SOMETHING EQUALLY PORNOMANTICAL. NAHMEAN LIKE "I WANT YOU INSIDE ME!" WHICH IDK WHY BITCHES THINK IS ROMANTIC AND ALSO SEXY. THAT SHIT AIN'T SEXY B, I BE SAYING THE SAME SHIT TO THE MOFONGO AT EL MALECON. I DON'T WANT THE MOFONGO TO PENETRATE ME B.

ALSO THE NEW SHIT FOR 2013 IS ASKING BITCHES IF YOU CAN PENETRATE THEM B. JUST STEP TO A FEMALE LIKE "YO MA LEMME PENETRATE THAT."

AIGHT SO YO YOU HAVE CRIPPLING ANXIETY THAT'S KEEPIN YOU FROM GETTING PUSSY. OK. THIS WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IN ORDER ACCORDING TO THE SEVERITY OF YOUR ANXIETY.

1)BREATHE NIGGA! APPROACH WITH CONFIDENCE IT'S A FEMALE MY GUY YOU AREN'T IN SAUDI ARABIA NIGGAS ARE NOT GONNA DECAPITATE YOU IN THE TOWN SQUARE IF YOU SAY WASSUP TO A BITCH AND SHE REJECTS YOUR ADVANCES. THE ONLY THING THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IS SHE'S GONNA BE LIKE "NO THANKS" BECAUSE MOST BITCHES AIN'T THAT RUDE. IF SHE'S RUDE AND IS LIKE "EWW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" YOU CAN PRETEND TO HAVE A SEIZURE AND EVERYBODY WILL BE LIKE "WOW WHAT A BITCH SHE MADE THAT NIGGA HAVE A SEIZURE!” THEN SHE LOOKS LIKE AN ILL BITCH AND YOU WIN.

2)PUSSY IS LIKE BASEBALL. I TOLD YOU NIGGAS BEFORE MAN THIS IS A CRUCIAL DART RIGHT HERE B. PUSSY PERCENTAGES EXACTLY MIRROR BASEBALL. IF YOU BATTING .300 IN BASEBALL YOU ARE FUCKIN KILLING IT B, EVEN IF YOU BATTING .215 YOU STILL IN THE LEAGUE NAHMEAN NIGGAS AIN'T SENDING YOU DOWN TO THE DOUBLE A PISCATAWAY LOGJAMMERS FOR BATTING .215 YOU FEEL ME? IF YOU BATTING .102 THEN YOU NEED TO LAY DOWN SOME BUNTS. "MERO WHAT YOU MEAN LAY DOWN SOME BUNTS? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT TRANSLATES TO ME ENTERING PUSSY HOLES?" WELL SIR WHAT I MEAN BY LAYING DOWN A BUNT IS HITTING SOME EASY PUSSY LIKE FOR EXAMPLE A FAT BITCH.

3) FAT BITCHES. YO FAT BITCHES ARE EXCELLENT FOR GETTING THE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR DILLZ UP. THEY DON'T COMPLAIN, THEY'LL DO DEPRAVED SHIT YOU ONLY SEE ON APETUBE, AND THERE'S NO PRESSURE CUZ IT'S LIKE "OH WORD I GOT A LITTLE DICK? BITCH YOU ARE MORBIDLY OBESE HOW DARE YOU COMMENT ON THE STATE OF MY DICK?" NAHMEAN FAT BITCHES PLAY IT CLOSE TO THE VEST. I JUST USED THAT SAYING IN THE WRONG CONTEXT BUT FUCK YOU NIGGA ITS 8AM. TO FURTHER CONNECT MY PUSSY IS LIKE BASEBALL ANALOGY IMA PUT IT LIKE THIS, IF DOPE BITCHES ARE THE WORLD SERIES AND REGULAR BITCHES ARE THE PLAYOFFS, FAT BITCHES ARE SPRING TRAINING. TAKE IT EASY AND MASTER YOUR STROKE NO HOMO. BUT YOU GOTTA TAKE WILD XANAX BEFORE CUZ YOU DON'T WANT YOUR FIRST SEXUAL MEMORY TO BE OF YOU HITTING A BITCH THATS SHAPED LIKE A LOVESEAT FROM THE BACK. SPEAKING OF XANAX

4) TAKE A FUCKIN XANNIE BAR AND GO OUT THERE AND TALK TO EVERY BITCH MY NIGGA. IF YOU ARE AWAY AT SCHOOL OR EVEN ANYWHERE ON THIS PLANET YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOCATE SOME XANAX OR KLONOPIN B. TAKE HALF OF ONE BAR AND IN 15 MINUTES YOU'LL BE READY TO MACK TO ANY FEMALE ON THE FACE OF EARF B. ONE TIME I TOOK XANAX AND GOT ON THE TRAIN AND SAW BLOOMBERG AND TOLD HIM TO SLAPBOX ME ABOUT THE "NO BIG SODAS" MANDATE. THAT'S WHY YOU CAN DRINK BIG SODAS IN THE UNITED STATES NOW SO YOU'RE WELCOME. XANAX IS SUPREME FUCKIN CONFIDENCE IN PILL FORM AND EVEN IF YOU TRY TO MAKE YOURSELF NERVOUS YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO B. YOU WON'T BREAK A SWEAT CARTWHEELING ACROSS A TIGHTROPE 50000 FEET UP.

NAHMEAN THAT'S BASICALLY IT, YOU'RE WELCOME MY FRIEND PLEASE DONATE TO MY PAYPAL CUZ IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAS LIKE A THERAPY SESSION AND IF YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO THERAPY SHIT IT WOULD COST $OD.00 MY NIGGA SO YOU ARE ABLE TO PURCHASE YOUR MOMS 8 CHANUKAH PRESENTS BECAUSE I HELPED YOU OUT SO THROW ME SOME MONEY NIGGA. SHIT.

AIGHT I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE


OH YO PS SHOUTOUT TO MY NIGGA RRRRRRUS WHO BIRTHDAY IT IS TODAY AND WHO ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME TO START THIS VERY BLOG. ENJOY YOUR DAY MY NIGGA I'LL HOLLA.

PPS CHECK ME OUT ON NOISEY.COM I'M DOIN SHIT OVER THERE NOW MAKE THOSE NUMBERS POP AIGHT I'M TRYNA QUIT MY REAL JOB AND HIT MY BOSS IN THE CHEST WITH A HADOKEN

RANDOM SLANDER

YO HERE'S ANOTHER RANDOM SLANDER BUT BEFORE I GET INTO IT I GOT SOME IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

I'M FUCKIN BROKE SO SEND ME SOME MONEY VIA PAYPAL. THEKIDMERO@GMAIL

IF 5000 NIGGAS SEND $5 THATS LIKE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS B. I'LL SEND YOU AN AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE OF MY SON DOING A CARTWHEEL WITH A BEER IN HIS HAND WHICH IS WILD IMPRESSIVE FOR A 2 YEAR OLD TO DO.

ALSO, BUY MY BOOK AND TSHIRTS WHICH IS ABOUT TO COME OUT SHORTLY LIKE EMINEM. (GET IT? LOLZ)

I WAS GONNA PUT MY MANAGERS EMAIL ON HERE SO YOU COULD CONTACT HIM AND ASK HIM WHY I'M NOT RICH BUT THAT NIGGA IS SO FUCKING PUSSY HE WOULD CALL ME AND CRY ABOUT IT SO I WON'T DO THAT.

UPDATES ARE LESS FREQUENT BECAUSE I'M WORKING A "REAL JOB" AND HAVE A CHILD AND A CAUCASOID SPOUSE THAT NEEDS MORE ATTENTION THAN A BABY IN NICU. SO TAKE THESE MORSELS AND CHERISH THEM WHILE YOU TAKE THAT SHIT YOU BOUT TO TAKE. I LOVE YALL NO HOMO.

NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE MAKING FUN OF THIS NIGGA BECAUSE ITS HIGHLY POSSIBLE HE JUST SOME HOMELESS JUNKINGTON BUT SOMETHING IS TELLING ME HE'S DEFINITELY NOT…"MERO HOW YOU KNOW THAT MERO?" OH JUST BECAUSE THE NIGGA IS WEARING PANTS MADE OUT OF NASA FABRICS AND A SHIRT MADE OUTTA INFANT TEXTILE ARTS & CRAFTS SHIT. THIS NIGGA IS BOLD AS FUCK B I DEFINITELY WOULD ONLY WEAR AN OUTFIT THIS ASININE IF I WAS GOING TO THE BIRTHDAY OF SOMEBODY I SECRETLY HATE NAHMEAN CUZ THEN IT WOULD BE LIKE "YO SON THIS NIGGA TERREL HOMEBOY IS WILD LOOK AT HIM HE DRESSED LIKE THE DUDE FROM CAMEO WENT THRIFTING" AND THE FOCUS WOULD BE ON MY DICKHEAD COSTUME AND NOT ON THE BIRTHDAY PERSON. THIS IS WHAT KANYE IS INSPIRING NIGGAS TO DO B. KANYE GOT KIM KARDASHIAN ON INSTAGRAM RANDOMLY CAPTIONING PICTURES "TWERK" AND HE ALSO GOT NIGGAS OUT THERE WEARING AIDS QUILTS AS SHIRTS AND GWEN STEFANI'S OLD SHOES. BRUCE JENNER SCREAMS "I HATE THAT NIGGER" INTO HIS PILLOW EVERY NIGHT.

NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKSHIT? ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR A GAY PORN CONTRACT JUST IN CASE THE "WHISPER RAPPING" DON'T WORK OUT? ARE YOU FORESHADOWING YOU BECOMING A MEMBER OF MAROON 5? THIS IS WILD GAY B AND DON'T EVEN SAY IT'S FOR THE BITCHES CUZ YOU AIN'T TREY SONGZ NIGGA. YOUR FANBASE IS ALL WHITE NIGGAS IN DILAPIDATED FITTEDS AND ENYCE BUTTON DOWNS. DOG YOU LOOK LIKE A MALE PROSTITUTE FROM BELIZE THAT WILL DO ANYTHING FOR $50 NO MATTER HOW DEPRAVED. IRONICALLY THAT IS ALSO WHAT THE BITCHES YOU SAVE FROM THE STRIP CLUB USED TO DO BUT NOW THEY WALK THE RED CARPET WITH YOU AT THE "RED LOBSTER ENDLESS BEATS RADIO SHACK MUSIC AWARDS FESTIVAL SHOW" IN DES MOINES, IOWA. I SEEN OTHER PHOTOS OF THIS NIGGA AND ALTHOUGH 98% OF RAPPERS DRESS LIKE STRAIGHT DICKHEADS THIS NIGGA IS ESPECIALLY ADEPT AT LOOKING LIKE HIS STYLIST IS STEVEN TYLER'S WIGGER SON WHO HAS ASPERGER'S.

DAMN THE NIGGAS FROM SILVERCHAIR REALLY FELL OFF HUH? NIGGAS WENT FROM MTV TO A HEROIN DEN IN THE RAINFOREST. YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST THING TO BRING ALONG IF YOU'RE A TRUST FUND WHITE DUDE WHO'S DOING OF SHROOMS WHILE HIS PARENTS ARE IN ARUBA IS? A FUCKING CAMERA NIGGA. CUZ NOW THERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU LOOKIN LIKE SETH GREEN IN PARTY MONSTER IF HE WAS ON SURVIVOR ON A BLOG WITH FAIRLY HIGH TRAFFIC READ BY MANY CELEBRITIES. NAHMEAN THIS NIGGA FLEA FROM RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS IS SMOKING A BLUNT RIGHT NOW LAUGHING LIKE "YO THIS NIGGA LOOKS LIKE MACAULAY CULKIN DETOXING IN A TREEHOUSE IN THAILAND." SHOUTOUT TO JESSE CAMP IN THE BACKGROUND WEARING A MANATEE FUR COAT PLAYING AIR GUITAR TO THE SMITHS. I DON'T EVEN WANNA BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT YOU NIGGAS ENDED UP DOING AFTER ALL THE DRUGS & ALCOHOL WERE CONSUMED. BUT I BET IN ENDED IN UMBRELLA SODOMY.

I SAVED THIS ON MY DESKTOP AS "SAMMYDAVISJRBITCH" BUT IM NOT GONNA USE THAT HERE OOPS I JUST DID HAHA EAT SHIT. WOW MA I JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU, EXCEPT GET FAKE TITS AND ASS SHOTS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR MOVE TO SAUDI ARABIA AND HAVE YOUR FACE COVERED 24/7 BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS LOOKING LIKE THE WORST DAY EVER. IDK WHO TOLD YOU TO BUY GIANT DREAMCATCHER EARRINGS B. THE LAST THING YOU WANNA DO IS FRAME THAT BIG ASS BAKED POTATO ASS NOSE WITH JEWELRY FROM MANDEE'S. MA YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANIMATED CARTOON CONDOR THAT'S ALSO A CROSSDRESSER. HOLDUP ARE YOU A DUDE THO? THAT'S HIGHLY POSSIBLE CUZ YOU LOOK LIKE TMAC IF HE WAS ON "RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE"…IF YOU A DUDE I COULD REALLY GET INTO THE SLANDER BECAUSE THE ITS ALWAYS THE UGLIEST NIGGAS THAT BE LIKE "I'M A WOMAN TRAPPED IN A MAN'S BODY" WELL STAY TRAPPED NIGGA CUZ YOU LOOK LIKE TERRELL SUGGS. DON'T NOBODY ON THIS WHOLE CONTINENT WANNA SEE T-SIZZLE WITH OUTRAGEOUSLY FAKE TITS. ALSO DONT SMOKE SO MUCH WEED AND GREEN AND PURPLE ARE NOT COMPLIMENTARY COLORS.

I FUCKIN HATE RAP MUSIC FOR THIS B. REMEMBER WHEN NIGGAS WORE CHAMPION HOODIES AND POLO AND SHIT? NOW NIGGAS WEAR CHAIN MAIL TANK TOPS AND HATS WITH SPIKES. NIGGA MELLE MEL ALREADY DID THE "DRESS LIKE A DOMINATRIX" SHIT IN LIKE 84. PLEASE LEAVE THAT SHIT IN THE CRACK ERA. AMBER ROSE REALLY GOT BALD HEAD BITCHES JUST GOING TO DOMINICAN BARBERS TALKIN BOUT "GIMME A TAPEUP" WITH SUPREME CONFIDENCE. PLEASE STOP THIS SHIT. BOTH THESE MUTHAFUCKAS GOT ON THE MOST STUPIDEST FUCKING GLASSES I EVER SEEN IN MY FUCKIN LIFE B. WHAT THE FUCK IS ON THIS NIGGAS SUNGLASSES B? A GOLDEN AWNING? YOU'RE A FUCKIN JERKOFF MY GUY. NIGGA IS AT A PARTY IN JCPENNEY DRINKIN FREE ALCOHOL IN A PLASTIC CUP BUT HE'S DRESSED LIKE HE'S GOING TO WILL I AM'S BAT MITZVAH (THAT NIGGA IS A GIRL)…THESE NIGGAS IS BOTH WEARING OLD BLIND WHITE LADY SUNGLASSES THAT HAVE BEEN MODIFIED BY THE SAME BITCH THAT INVENTED VAJAZZLE. THIS SHIT HAS THE ILL WATERMARK ON IT TOO LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT JAKE'S PHOTOGRAPHY. FUCK YOU NIGGA FOR TAKING A PICTURE OF AMBROKE HOSE AND THE NIGGA WHO INVENTED FUBU DRESSED UP LIKE TERIUS NASH. FOR MY KIDS BIRTHDAY I DON'T WANT A CLOWN I WANT THESE TO BE HUMAN PINATAS THAT THE KIDS HAVE TO KICK.

OMG THIS ALBUM IS A CLASSIC BEST MUSICAL ALBUM EVER PRODUCED IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD NOTHING COMPARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

CHILL MY NIGGAS.

YO SO SINCE ALOT OF MUSIC SUCKS AND NIGGAS IN MY AGE BRACKET EITHER SUCK THE PENIS OF EVERY NEW NIGGA OUT OR IMMEDIATELY DERIDE THEM AS GARBAGE…I FEEL LIKE AS THE KNOWLEDGEGOD I SHOULD BE OUT HERE IN THIS WILD DIGITAL FOREST INTERNET LETTING MY KNOWLEDGE DISCIPLES AND MEROS MAMIS KNOW WHATS REALLY GOOD.

I DON'T USUALLY DO REVIEWS UNLESS NIGGAS ASK FOR IT AND SO MANY PEOPLE ASKED ME TO REVIEW THIS ALBUM I THOUGHT "KENDRICK LAMAR" WAS THE NEW NAME JAYZ AND KANYE WERE USING CUZ THEY REALIZED "THE THRONE" SOUNDS LIKE A KARAOKE BAR FOR LARPERS. BUT NAH THERE'S ACTUALLY A DUDE NAMED KENDRICK LAMAR WHO I HAVE NEVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE SO BASICALLY YOU KNOW YOU BOUT TO GET AN UNBIASED REVIEW CUZ A) I'M NOT A DICK RIDER AND B) I'M NOT A DICK RIDER.

SHERANE AKA MASTER SPLINTERS DAUGHTER

UH OH RELIGIOUS SHIT…THIS SHIT JUST OPENED UP WITH ROBOTS PRAYING B. I HAD TO MAKE SURE THIS WASN'T A ANDRE3000 ALBUM. THIS BEAT IS DOPE THO I FUCK WIT IT. YO IS THIS THIS DUDES REAL VOICE THO? HE SOUNDS LIKE WHAT I IMAGINE THE KIA HAMSTERS TO SOUND LIKE AFTER A FEW BONG RIPS. IDK IF ITS SOME KIND OF EFFECT BUT ITS ANNOYING. THE VOICEMAIL AT THE END WOULDA MADE ME CHUCKLE BUT MY LIFE IS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE AND THEREFORE I KNOW NO JOYOUS LAUGHTER B. ALSO THIS SONG TITLE STUPID AS FUCK.

BITCH DON'T KILL MY VIBE

UH OK SO YOU STICKING WITH THE ROBOT FLOW? OHHHHH THIS BEAT JUST DROPPED AND ITS FUCKIN SMOOTHER THAN GETTIN A BLOWJOB IN FRONT OF AN A/C IN JULY. THIS NIGGA BOUT TO KILL MY VIBE THO CUZ HE SOUNDS LIKE THIS BITCH. THIS IS A COOL SONG THO I'M NOT MAD AT IT THIS COULD GO ON MY "LEISURELY BJ FROM 19YR OLD DOMINICAN GIRL" PLAYLIST RIGHT AFTER FAZE-O "RIDING HIGH". YO IT LOOKS LIKE THIS ALBUM IS ACTUALLY AN ALBUM. SKITS IN BETWEEN SONGS THAT CREATE A VIBE FOR A NIGGA TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY THE ALBUM IN ITS ENTIRETY WITHOUT SKIPPIN BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN
JOINTS.

BACKSEAT FREESTYLE

SPOKE TOO SOON…YO YO YOOOOO HOLD UP C3PO WHY YOU SO HYPE? WHO THE FUCK IS PAYING HITBOY FOR THESE SWIZZ BEATS? *720 BETWEEN THE LEGS TOMAHAWK SLAMS THIS BEAT IN THE GARBAGE* GRRRR RAPPITY RAPPIN RAP RAPPIN YELLOWWOLF ANGRY KANYE FLOW…NAH MY NIGGA GET THIS SHIT OUTTA HERE THIS IS TERRIBLE THIS IS SOME VIDEO GAME SOUNDTRACK SHIT. AFTER THOSE FIRST TWO HEROIN FLOW SMOOTH JOINTS THIS CRAZY COMPUTER CRYSTAL BELL FUNNY SHIT IS JARRING AS FUCK B. THIS NIGGA VOICE IS KINDA GETTING TO ME AND WE ONLY 3 JOINTS IN B. I MAY BE ABLE TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT HE SOUNDS LIKE HELIUMBOT 5000 IF THE NEXT COUPLE JOINTS ARE FIRE.

THE ART OF PEER PRESSURE

IS THIS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT? THIS BEAT IS BORING AS FUCK B. THIS SHIT SOUNDS LIKE CHRIS MARTIN PRODUCED IT TO SHOW TO KIDS DURING DRUG AWARENESS WEEK OR SOME SHIT. MY GIVE A FUCKOMETER IS RUNNIN OUTTA GAS FOR THIS NIGGA B. BETWEEN THE ANDRE3000 / HELIUMBOT SWAG AND THE 2 SECOND BEATS BEING TERRIBLE AND BORING RESPECTIVELY IDK WHAT MIGHT COULD HAPPEN. GIMME A SECOND IMA GO GET SOME ICE CREAM WHILE I LISTEN TO THIS NEXT JOINT.

MONEY TREES

IDK WHO JAY ROCK IS EITHER BUT HOPEFULLY HE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A ROBOT. OK SEE NOW IN THIS JOINT KENDRICK DON'T SOUND LIKE A ROBOT, SO IF HE DOES THE ROBOT VOICE ON PURPOSE HE NEEDS TO DEAD THAT SHIT OR STOP PUTTING INSTAGRAM FILTERS ON HIS MIC. THIS BEAT IS OFFICIAL THANK GOD, CUZ I WAS ABOUT TO THROW THIS SHIT IN THE RECYCLE BIN. I CAN SEE WHY NIGGAS COMPARE THIS DUDE TO NAS CUZ SO FAR ALL THESE JOINTS ARE INJECTED WITH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF KUFI JUICE. HE NEEDS TO STICK TO THE WEED SMOKING ON THE HIGHWAY TYPE BEATS THEY SUIT HIM. ALSO EATING ICE CREAM WHEN I'M DUMB HIGH SUITS ME.

POETIC JUSTICE

THIS SONG STARTED OUT SOUNDIN LIKE SOME SWV SHIT…THEN IT TURNED  INTO SOME STUTTERY JUSTIIN TIMBERLAKE ALBUM SHIT. KENDRICK IS DOING DRAKE FLOW TO THE FUUUUULLEST B…ITS FUNNY WHEN NIGGAS GET A FEATURE ON A SONG AND DO THE NIGGAS WHOLE STYLE, I'M NOT EVEN A DRAKE HATER LIKE THAT B I ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN THE NIGGA COMES OFF NAHMEAN? HE DID NOT COME OFF HERE. YO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST THOUGHT OF? HOW THE FUCK DO THEY MAKE IT SO THAT SHOPPING CARTS DON'T GO OUT THE PARKING LOT? IS IT MAGNETS? CUZ YO THEM SHITS WILL NOT BUDGE OUT THE LOT B. WHAT KINDA TECHNOLOGY IS THAT AND DID NIGGAS JUST STEAL SHOPPING CARTS AT WILL BEFORE THEY INVENTED SHOPPING CART FORCEFIELDS? OH I'M SORRY LEMME PLAY THIS NEXT SONG…

GOOD KID

OH SHIT NIGGA EAGLES ARE SOARING OUT OF MY SPEAKERS B THIS IS THE PRINCE OF PERSIA DEAD PRESIDENTS SOUNDTRACK RIGHT? PHARELL IS 49 YEARS OLD BUT LOOKS LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD JAPANESE BLACK KID. THIS SONG IS COOL ITS THE "TITULAR TRACK" OF THE ALBUM. YO HONESTLY I FUCK WITH EVERYTHING PHARELL DOES B. EVEN WHEN HE WAS LIKE "ARE YOU A MERMAID OR SOMETHING" AND WAS SINGING BULLSHIT ABOUT GIRLS PAINTING THEY TOES AND DOING SUDOKU OR WHATEVER THE FUCK. THIS IS A COOL SONG HE'S RAPPIN ABOUT HOW HE'S SURROUNDED BY GANGS BUT WASN'T INVOLVED IN IT NAHMEAN LIKE HOW HE ROSE ABOVE ALL THE MADNESS AND VIOLEN---ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

MAAD CITY

MC EIHT IS ON THIS SHIT SO IT NEEDS TO BE SOME GANGSTA SHIT. OH YES!! YES!! THIS IS SOME THUG SHIT!! I FUCKS WITH THIS HEAVYYYYY I'M BOUT TO SHOOT A NIGGA OUT THE WINDOW B!! UNGH!! *PUNCHES WIFE IN FACIAL* YOU KILLED MY COUSIN BACK IN 94 FUCK YO TRUCE!! AHHHHHHH!!!! *CRUSHES A HUMAN SKULL* *CRASHES CAR* *SHOOTS DOWN A HELICOPTER* OHHHHH SHIT THE BEAT SWITCHED UP!! OHHHHHHHH!! EIHT BOUT TO KILL IT!! OH ITS NOT HIM :( THIS NIGGA KENDRICK IS DOING THE "IM ABOUT TO CRY" FREEWAY FLOW RIGHT NOW AND IT'S NOT DOING IT FOR ME AT ALL RIGHT NOW WOW B. THE BEGINNING OF THIS SHIT HAD ME READY TO CATCH SEVERAL BODIES IN COLD BLOOD NOW ALL I WANNA DO IS GIVE THIS NIGGA A HUG AND TELL HIM NOT TO CRY. *REWINDS SONG TO BEGINNING* MAN DOWN WHERE YOU FROM!!! NIGGA!!! FUCK WHO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU FROM MY NIGGA?!?!?! *PUNCHES COMPUTER IN THE FUCKING FACIAL*

SWIMMING POOLS

*STARTS BOPPING* THIS SHIT GOOOOO! I'LL DRINK PROMETH TO THIS TILL I GIVE MYSELF HEART FAILURE. THIS BEAT IS FUCKIN STUPID B. THIS MIGHT BE THE HARDEST SONG ON THE ALBUM. HOOK IS OFFICIAL THE LIL BREAKDOWN IS FUCKIN TOUGH B. I'M NOT EVEN GONNA SAY ANYTHING FUNNY RIGHT NOW CUZ I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT A DOPE SONG THIS IS B. IF THIS NIGGA DID A WHOLE ALBUM OF HALF SONGS LIKE THAT AND HALF HEROIN FLOW JOINTS LIKE THE FIRST 2 SONGS I WOULD CALL THIS A CLASSIC LIKE EVERY WHITE NIGGA WITH A BEARD IS DOING AT THIS MOMENT.

SING ABOUT ME I'M DYING OF THIRST

THIS SONG IS 12 MINUTES LONG B. I DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO ANYTHING FOR 12 MINUTES. OH WAIT ITS TWO SONGS AIGHT WELL THE FIRST ONE SOUNDS LIKE THE NIGGA IS RAPPING ACAPELLA IN A DENTIST OFFICE THATS PLAYING THE SMOOTH JAZZ STATION WILD LOUD. THE SECOND ONE SOUNDS LIKE THE NIGGA IS RAPPIN OVER A FELA KUTI / ENYA COLLAB. THIS IS THE PERFECT MUSIC TO OVERDOSE ON NYQUIL TO. THIS IS "STARE AT THE CEILING AND EAT A BOTTLE OF PILLS" MUSIC B. I HAVE A FEELING AFTER MAAD CITY AND SWIMMING POOLS THESE LAST TWO JOINTS ARE GONNA BE BASIC LIKE SOLITAIRE.

REAL

LOLOLOL YO DID THIS NIGGA RECORD THIS IN IBIZA WHILE ON 7 GRAMS OF MOLLY, WEARING A VERY SNUG SPEEDO? THIS IS BEACH HOUSE COMPILATION MUSIC B. I'M NOT MAD AT IT BUT IT'S DEFINITELY PUSSY EATING IN THE CABANA TUNEZ B. THIS IS SOME SHIT PHARELL WOULD PRODUCE TO PLAY AT ARMANI EXCHANGE AFTER LISTENING TO MASTERS AT WORK FOR 8 HOURS.

COMPTON

WAIT SO DR. DRE DIDNT PRODUCE THIS? HE JUST RAPPED ON IT? WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS NIGGA RAPPING A GHOSTWRITTEN VERSE ON A JOINT HE DIDN'T PRODUCE? IS THAT NIGGA INJECTING STEROIDS INTO HIS FRONTAL LOBE? YO…EVEN IF I DIDNT SEE THAT THIS WAS PRODUCED BY JUST BLAZE I WOULD KNOW HE PRODUCED IT CUZ THE SHIT IS LIKE "HOOOOOORN!!!!-CYMBAL CRASH-HOOOOOOOORN!!!!!-CYMBAL CRASH-HOOOOOOOORN!!!!!!-CYMBAL CRASH-HOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!! *DRUM ROLL THING*" THIS IS REALLY REPETITIVE AND BORING AND THIS NIGGA DRE BROKE THE CORNYMETER WITH HIS ABSOLUTE NEED TO NAMEDROP HIS STUPID FUCKING HEADPHONES.  NIGGA SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING HEADPHONES I'M NOT APPLE D. AP, DJING A SLUMBER PARTY AT PEREZ HILTON'S HOUSE I DON'T NEED COLORFUL ASS GIANT FUCKIN HEADPHONES GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY DAILY MEDIA INTAKE WITH YOUR PRODUCT PLACEMENT B. I ALREADY SEE ENOUGH 13 YEAR OLDS WEARING THOSE SHITS LIKE IT'S GONNA MAKE LUPE FIASCO NOT SOUND LIKE A FUCKIN JERKOFF WEIRDO.

YO THERES SOME JOINTS ON HERE B. IT'S FUCKIN CRAZY THAT NIGGAS WAS CALLIN THIS SHIT A CLASSIC THOUGH B YOU NIGGAS ARE BUGGIN. A CLASSIC RAP ALBUM CONTAINS NOT ONE JOINT THAT NEEDS TO BE SKIPPED, THIS GOT A COUPLE. THIS IS A GOOD ALBUM BUT I'M NOT DELETING "IT WAS WRITTEN" OFF MY IPHONE TO FIT THIS ON THERE LIKE IT'S COMPARABLE. I KNOW THE INTERNET IS THIRSTY FOR GOOD MUSIC SO THIS GOT BLOWN OUTTA PROPORTION. I FUCK WITH LIKE 55% OF THIS ALBUM B. THAT'S ABOUT IT B I'M OUTTA HERE I GOTTA WAKE UP IN 5 HOURS YOU FUCKIN DICKS. YOU'RE WELCOME SMH.

#KNOWLEDGE

SLAUGHTERHOUSE: "THIS IS OUR HOUSE" (AND I'M NOT TRYNA COME OVER AND HANG OUT EVEN IF YOU GOT WEED)

YO SO I AIN'T REVIEWED AN ALBUM IN A WHILE AND NIGGAS ASKED ME TO TO A TRACK BY TRACK REVIEW OF THIS SHIT SO HERE IT IS B. ENJOY THIS SHIT CUZ I'M UP POSTING THIS SHIT AT MIDNIGHT WHEN I GOTTA GET UP AT 5AM TO GO TO WORK LIKE A FUCKIN DICKHEAD CUZ I'M NOT RICH FOR MAKING NIGGAS LAUGH. ENJOY THIS SHIT AND CHERISH THIS FUCKIN SHIT B. AIGHT?

1) THE SLAUGHTER

WOW B. THIS IS HOW NIGGAS ARE STARTING THIS ALBUM…WITH AN INTRO THAT SOUNDS LIKE KEN KANIFF IS ABOUT TO AUDITORIALLY FLY OUTTA NOWHERE BUT THEN THEY WRAP IT UP WITH SOME FUCKIN BULLSHIT EMINEM INSPIRATIONAL LIFE COACH BULLSHIT. "AN MC NEVER BACKS DOWN FROM ANY CHALLENGE!! AN MC IS NEVER AFRAID TO TAKE A STAND!! A REAL MC IS A WARRIOR!! A SOLDIER!!" NIGGA IS THIS A RAP ALBUM INTRO OR A COMMERCIAL WRITTEN BY A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR WHO IS ALSO A NAVY SEAL? THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY PRODUCED BY EMINEM I CAN TELL BY THE "SOMBER PIANO"…IF YOU ELIMINATED SOMBER PIANO FROM THE PLANET EARTH I'M 10000% POSITIVE EMINEM WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIMSELF IN THE STUDIO B. INTRO SUCKS. NEXT.

2) OUR HOUSE

OH OK COOL MORE INSPIRATIONAL BULLSHIT. DOG WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO THIS? SIT ON A CITY BUS AND WRITE RHYMES WITH A HOODIE ON WHILE SOMEBODY FILMS ME IN SEPIA TONES? ROYCE'S RHINESTONE BANDANA AURA IS VERY STRONG ON THIS SHIT. JOELL SAID "FUCK YOUR KICKS FROM JAPAN" AND HE WAS ON TWITTER TALKIN ABOUT HIS "LANVIN LOWTOPS"…JUST SAYIN BRUH, GAY SNEAKER CULTURE IS GAY SNEAKER CULTURE. ALSO EMINEM CAN YOU PLEASE NEVER EVER GET ON A HOOK EVER AGAIN? OH HOLDUP HERE'S EMINEM'S VERSE (THANKS FOR DONATING YOUR ENTIRE FLOW YELLOW WOLF). THIS INSTRUMENTAL WILL PROBABLY BE IN CHRYSLER COMMERCIAL BY THE TIME I FINISH WRITING THIS SHIT B. THIS IS POWERFUL MUSIC B, LIKE AMBIEN POWERFUL.

3) COFFIN

WHAT LABEL IS BUSTA RHYMES ON? THIS NIGGA IS ON EVERY LABEL ON EARTH. NIGGA IS SIGNED TO LAFACE & SHIT. NIGGA BUSTA RHYMES IS ON LIMP BIZKIT RECORDS B ONLY NIGGA WITH A SOSODEF CHAIN IN 2012. HOLY SHIT THIS NIGGA IS SCREAMINGGGG OVER THESE FUCKING RIDICULOUS SYNTHS DOG I'M ACTUALLY DYING LAUGHING WRITING THIS B. THAT SHIT SOUNDS LIKE 2 CATS FUCKING ON A CASIO KEYBOARD MEEEEOOOOWWWWW DOODOO DODO-DODO. THEN BUSTA COMES IN WILD AGGRO LIKE WATTUPWATTUPWATTUP!!!!!! SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP NIGGA EVEN YOU SCREAMING CAN'T KEEP ME AWAKE FOR THESE RAPPITY RAPPING ASS NIGGAS MAN. HIT BOY PRODUCED THIS SHIT BY DRAGGING A BEAT HE MADE ON XANAX AND MOLLY OUT OF HIS RECYCLE BIN AND EMAILING IT TO EMINEM. BUDDEN ALWAYS SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS THAT SPIT SUCKING TUBE THEY PUT IN YOUR MOUTH AT THE DENTIST IN HIS MOUTH WHEN HE RAPS. I'D RATHER HEAR THAT NIGGAS LATEST STRIPPER SPOUSE SLAP HER TITS TOGETHER. I CAN'T DISTINGUISH THESE NIGGAS FROM EACH OTHER EXCEPT FOR ROYCE CUZ ROYCE DOES THAT STUPID SHIT WHERE HE PAUSES AND SAYS A WORD WITH EMPHASIS LIKE HE'S AMAZED AT HOW NICE HE IS. OH YOU LAUGHED FOR A WHOLE BAR YO THAT'S VERY CREATIVE MY NIGGA YOU REALLY PUSHING THE BOUNDARI---ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

4) THROW THAT

YO EMINEM IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST NIGGA EVER TO GET ON A HOOK. NIGGAS WERE DEFINITELY PLANNING THIS ALBUM LIKE "YO LETS PUT EMINEM ALL OVER THIS SHIT AND HOPEFULLY EVERY WIGGER IN THE FLYOVER STATES COPS THIS WEEDPLATE OFF THE STRENGTH" THIS BEAT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN YOUR NINTENDO WOULD FREEZE AND THEN UNFREEZE THEN FREEZE AGAIN B. NAH BUT YO FOR REAL THIS HOOK IS REALLY THE WORST SHIT EVER? "YOLETSRILLYRAPRILLYFASTANDSAYDICK100TIMESGIRL" YO ON SOME REAL SHIT NOBODY IS IN THE STUDIO LIKE "YO MY NIGGA, "ILL THROW THIS DICK ON YOU GIRL?? THAT'S TERRIBLE B!" YO "CHILD BEARING HIPS" SHOULD NEVER BE THE PART OF ANY HOOK FOR ANY SONG EVER. 4 SONGS IN THIS IS THE WORST SHIT I EVER HEARD. THIS SHIT IS ABOUT STRIPPERS AND SOUND FORCED AS FUCK WHICH IS CRAZY SINCE JOE BUDDEN COULD BE ON ANIMAL HOARDERS: "I HAVE 430 STRAY STRIPPERS WITH MANGE IN MY JERSEY CITY APARTMENT" YOU'D THINK THAT NIGGA WOULD BE ABLE TO CRAFT A MASTERFUL SONNET ABOUT $50 BACK ROOM BLOWJOBS AND PUSSIES THAT LOOK LIKE DEPRESSED BASSET HOUNDS. NOPE, SAME SPITSUCKING WHISPER FLOW JAYZ LEFT BEHIND WITH 4XL THROWBACK JERSEYS.

5) HAMMER DANCE

YO I WAS ACTUALLY HOPIN THIS WOULD "SAVE "THE ALBUM SINCE NIGGAS TALKED ABOUT IT INCESSANTLY LIKE IT WAS "IN DA CLUB 2" BUT AS SOON AS THIS SHIT CAME ON I THOUGHT THE BITCH DOWNSTAIRS WAS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK REMIXES & SHIT. THIS SOUNDS LIKE KORN. WHICH IS WILD APPROPRIATE CUZ THESE NIGGAS ARE KORNBALLS. "REAL NAME IS MY RAP SHIT THIS WHOLE ALBUM IS ASS KID!" (THAT'S MY REMIX) THIS IS ENYCE BUTTONDOWN MUSIC B. THIS IS ECKO SWEATSUIT MUSIC. THIS IS MUSIC FOR NIGGAS WHO DRIVE THEY MOMS SIENNA LE TO THE SUPERMARKET TO BUY YOGURT, JUMP IN THE DRIVERS SEAT, SPIN THEY HAT 180 DEGREES AND START BLASTING BULLSHIT LIKE THIS ALL THE WAY TO THE STORE.

6) GET UP

OH THIS SOUNDS COOL SO FAR…OH NOPE NOW IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME SHIT NIGGAS PLAY OVER A GATORADE COMMERCIAL B. I CAN PICTURE A BLACK BITCH WITH VERY SMALL TITS JUMPING OVER HURDLES IN SLOW MOTION TO THIS SHIT. MY NIGGAS CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU RIGHT NOW? I REALLY DONT WANNA LISTEN TO THE REST OF THIS SHIT UNLESS THE SECOND HALF IS THESE NIGGAS RAPPING COUPON CODES TO PAPAJOHNS.COM OVER LEX LUGER BEATS. JUST KIDDING I DON'T WANNA HEAR THESE NIGGAS RAP ABOUT ANYTHING THIS IS THE MOST BORING SHIT EVER B. THIS SHIT IS MORE BORING THAN SMOKING WEED IN THE DARK ON A TUESDAY. THIS SHIT IS MORE BORING THAN WATCHING TWO 80 YEAR OLD JEWISH LADIES PLAY RUMMIKUB…AND I HAVE WATCHED TWO 80 YEAR OLD JEWISH LADIES PLAY RUMMIKUB.

7) MY LIFE

YO THIS HOOK IS GREAT THIS BEAT IS GREAT I ALMOST LIKE THIS SONG EVEN THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE A PEPSI COMMERCIAL...IF YOU TAKE SLAUGHTERHOUSE OFF IT. WHO GAVE THESE NIGGAS THIS SONG? WHO DID EMINEM BLOW TO GIVE THIS SONG TO THIS COLLECTION OF SUPERMARKET BRAND RAP NIGGAS? THIS SHOULDA BEEN T.I. NEXT SINGLE. IS HE IN JAIL? CAN SOMEBODY GIVE JOE BUDDEN SOME NASONEX? NIGGA SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS THE ILL SINUS INFECTON. I BET YOU THOUGHT THIS SENTENCE WAS GONNA BE A QUESTION BUT ITS NOT. YO REMEMBER WHEN CEELO GREEN WAS IN THAT VIDEO WITH THE METAL DURAG? LOLZ. YO I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS SONG ANYMORE B. ROYCE SAID "BITCHES WALL TO WALL" I CAN ASSURE YOU IT'S NOT NO BITCHES AT A SLAUGHTERHOUSE SHOW B JUST ALOT ALOT ALOT OF WHITE KIDS IN HUGE FITTED HATS AND THAT #BLACKTWITTER DUDE BACKSTAGE GEEKED ABOUT BUDDEN LETTING HIM TAKE PICTURES OF HIM AND HIS LATEST SMILLZ NUDE.

8) WE DID IT (SKIT)

EMINEM'S RECIPE FOR A SKIT/INTRO/OUTRO:

5000 TBSP SOMBER PIANO

2 TSP RANDOM LAUGHING IN BACKGROUND

4 RANDOM SOUND EFFECTS

1 DIGITALLY ALTERED VOICE OF SOME NIGGA SAYING INSPIRATIONAL "WE MADE IT" BULLSHIT (LIGHTLY BRUSHED WITH FAG SAUCE)

6 OZ NIGGAS WHISPERING

9) FLIP A BIRD

SOON AS I HEARD THIS I WAS LIKE "THIS BETTER NOT BE ABOUT DRUGS" THE ONLY DRUGS THESE NIGGAS PROLLY EVER TOUCHED WAS CHOPPING EMINEM'S ADIDAS FAT LACE SIZE LINES OF COKE TO KEEP THAT NIGGA IN THE OFFICE LONG ENOUGH TO CONVINCE HIM 4 STRUGGLE RAPPERS + SOMBER PIANO = AN ALBUM THAT ISN'T THE MOST PROLIFIC COLLECTION OF KLONOPIN BABY NAPTIME LULLABIES EVER PRODUCED. THIS SONG IS KINDA ABOUT DRUGS BUT WHATEVER. BEAT IS KINDA OK BUT IT MIGHT JUST SOUND OK CUZ THE REST OF THIS SHIT IS SO TERRIBLE SO FAR. YO CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING THO INTERNET? WHY ARE ALL THESE NIGGAS RAPPIN LIKE YELLOW WOLF? THAT "RAPPITYRAPPIN RAP RAPPIN IM RAPPIN YALL" STUTTERY FAST FLOW IS OD OBNOXIOUS. IT'S LIKE NIGGAS ARE TRYNA GET ME TO LISTEN TO AS MANY BARS AS POSSIBLE BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP AND SLIDE OUTTA MY CHAIR CUZ I TURNED INTO A PUDDLE OF BOREDOM.

10) THROW IT AWAY

YO CMON SWIZZ. IDK IF YALL NIGGAS READ MY WATCH THE THRONE REVIEW BUT IT BUGS ME THE FUCK OUT HOW SWIZZ BEATZ MAKES THE SAME 2 BEATS FOREVER AND STILL GETS ON EVERY ALBUM B…EVEN THIS AUDIO DISASTER. THIS IS EMINEM CALLING IN A FAVOR AGAIN B, RIGHT? WHY WOULD SWIZZ BEATZ GET ON THIS ALBUM? AIN'T YOU BUSY SELLING REEBOKS AND EATING ALICIA KEYS ASS? (THAT LAST THING I'M ACTUALLY JELLY ABOUT B) YO THIS BEAT SUCKS BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT. I ACTUALLY LIKED IT BETTER WHEN BIGGIE RAPPED ON IT. SPEAKING OF JUNIOR MAFIA I'D RATHER LISTEN TO A DOUBLE ALBUM OF CHICO DEL VEC THROWING UP TACO BELL THAN LISTEN TO ANYTHING SLAUGHTERHOUSE WILL EVER PUT OUT. I'D RATHER 69 WITH V-NASTY…WITH ME ON TOP. I HAD LIKE 300 JOKES IN THE VEIN OF "NIGGAS SHOULDA THROWN THIS SONG/ THIS ALBUM/ THEY RECORD DEAL, AWAY" BUT THAT'S TOO EASY AND I KNOW Y'ALL EXPECT MORE OF ME. FUNK FLEX PREMIERED THIS AND DID NOT DROP ONE SINGLE SOLITARY BOMB ON THIS SHIT. NIGGA PROLLY PUT THIS SHIT ON AND WENT TO GO TAKE A PISS AND GET A SNICKERS FROM THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE LOBBY.

11) RESCUE ME

YO AT THIS POINT IN THE ALBUM THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING B. CAN YOU RESCUE ME FROM THIS SHIT? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GUNPLAY IMA HAVE TO LISTEN TO TO BALANCE THIS FUCKERY OUT? I'M ACTUALLY LISTENING TO GOOD SONGS IN BETWEEN THESE ALBUM CUTS SO I CAN STAY AWAKE/ NOT OVERDOSE ON SOMBER PIANO AND "SKYLAR GREY" WHOEVER THE FUCK THAT IS (NOT EVEN GONNA BOTHER GOOGLING) YO YOUTUBE IS DOING THIS WEIRD THING WHERE IT'S CUTTING THESE SONGS HALFWAY THRU, EVEN MY LAPTOP IS LIKE "PLZ STOP" IN A COMPUTER SAD VOICE. CAN YOU RESCUEEEEE MEEEEE FROM MEDIOCRITYYYYYYY BECAUSE MY EYELIDS HEEEEAAAVVVYYYYY. WHOEVER THE 3RD GUY RAPPIN IS HE'S REALLY MAD AT THE MIC CUZ HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S GARGLING WITH THAT SHIT. TAKE A XANAX MY GUY EMINEM IS PAYING YOU TO EXIST. YO EMINEM IF YOU READ THIS SIGN ME TO SHADY RECORDS NIGGA I'LL WEAR VELOUR SUITS IDGAF B LONG AS YOU DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THESE NIGGAS AND JUST PAY ME TO AGGRESSIVELY TALK INTO MICROPHONES.

12) FRAT HOUSE

DAMN SON. NIGGAS DID A SONG ABOUT COLLEGE. NIGGA STOPPED THE BEAT TO SAY "MOLLY'S." ALL INTENSELY LMAO! YO GET THIS SHIT OUTTA HERE. WHAT IS IT WIT THESE NIGGAS AND TERRIBLE SYNTHS? WHAT A STUPID FUCKING IDEA THIS SONG IS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE NIGGAS CREATIVE PROCESS IS BUT NIGGAS HAD TO HAVE CONVENED AT SOME POINT AND SAID "YO LETS DO A SONG CALLED FRAT HOUSE AND DO MAD PUNCHLINES ABOUT COLLEGIATE LIFE EVEN THOUGH ALL OF US GOT GED'S" AND THEY ALL AGREED. THEN THEY BEDAZZLED THEY HOODIES TOGETHER AND JOEY SHOWED THEM HOW TO CUT THE SLEEVES OFF A DENIM JACKET AND WEAR IT. FUCK THIS.

13) GOODBYE

OH THIS MUST BE THE OUTRO, THANK GOD, WAIT WHAT? THERE'S 3 MORE FUCKIN SONGS ON THIS SHIT? C'MON SON THAT IS TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. THE DUDE THAT PRODUCED THIS SONG PRODUCES FOR DRAKE RIGHT? THAT'S VERY APPROPRIATE BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS EMOTIONAL AS FUCK B THERE'S MENSTRUAL BLOOD STREAMING OUT MY SPEAKERS RIGHT NOW IT'S MAKING A HUGE MESS B. THIS HOOK SOUNDS WILD DRAKEISH EXCEPT IF IT WAS DRAKE GIRLS WOULD BE INTO IT INSTEAD OF NIGGAS THAT LIVE ON RAP MESSAGE BOARDS AND HAVE AN EXTENSIVE COLLECTION OF SIZE 8 FITTEDS AND BASKETBALL SHORTS.

14) PARK IT SIDEWAYS

YO I PARKED THIS ALBUM SIDEWAYS IN THE RECYCLE BIN MY NIGGA THIS SHIT IS SO WACK I'M GONNA PUT THIS REVIEW AND MY EAR CANALS OUT OF THEY MISERY. NOT EVEN REVIEWING THE LAST TWO JOINTS CUZ UNLESS THEY JUST THREW IN 2 SONGS FROM "IT WAS WRITTEN" THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN SAVE THIS OUTSTANDING PIECE OF WEED CRUMBLING PARAPHERNALIA. IF I HAD A PHYSICAL COPY OF THIS SHIT I WOULD THROW IT IN THE AIR AND SHOOT IT. I HAD HIGH HOPES FOR JOELL ORTIZ WHEN HE CAME OUT BECAUSE I'M RACIST AND BLINDLY SUPPORT LATINOS AND PEOPLE FROM THE BRONX (I KNOW HE'S FROM BROOKLYN BUT I'M SAYING LIKE FOR EXAMPLE I FUCK WITH FRED THE GODSON CUZ HE'S FROM THE BRONX.) JOELL FUCKED UP AND JOINED DAUGHTERHOUSE AND NOW HE'S DOING KISS & STYLES BACK AND FORTH BARS WITH A NIGGA WHO SPENDS MORE TIME WIFING STRIPPERS AND HOES THAN DARIUS MCRARY. THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IMAGINED FOR YOU JOELL. SMH.


OVERALL I GIVE THIS ALBUM A "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FACE WITH THIS BULLSHIT" OUTTA 10. 10 BEING THE HIGHEST AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FACE WITH THIS BULLSHIT BEING SELF EXPLANATORY. IMA MAKE A SHORT LIST OF THINGS THAT ARE LESS BORING AND/OR MEDIOCRE THAN THIS ALBUM

1) PLAYING HEAD TO HEAD UNO WITH YOUR RETARDED COUSIN SERGIO.

2) ORDERING A PLAIN PIZZA FROM LITTLE CEASAR'S

3) SHOPPING FOR CURTAINS AT JCPENNEY

4) ELLEN DEGENERES' STAND UP COMEDY

5) THE MILWAUKEE BUCKS

6) READING THE NUTRITION FACTS ON THE BACK OF COCOA PEBBLES

7) JERKING ILLZ TO RIZZOLI & ISLES

8) READING STEVE MARTIN'S TWITTER FEED

9) FALLING ASLEEP ON THE TRAIN

10) TURNING YOUR CAR ON AND CONNECTING A HOSE TO THE EXHAUST AND PUTTING THE HOSE IN YOUR WINDOW THEN SHUTTING ALL THE WINDOWS

JUST A SHORT LIST OF SHIT YOU WOULD PROBABLY ENJOY MORE THAN THIS AUDIO HANES TEE YOUR GIRL WORE TO DYE HER HAIR.

YO AT SOME POINT I HAD SAID I WAS LISTENING TO OTHER JOINTS IN BETWEEN TO KEEP ME FROM OVERDOSING ON HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN NIGGAS. HERE THEY ARE, MAKE A MIXTAPE OR SOME SHIT.




ACTION BRONSON - BIRD ON A WIRE


CHINX DRUGZ - IM A COKE BOY


FRENCH MONTANA - BRICKS & WALLS


MAX B, STACK BUNDLES, MEL MATRIX - REFRESHING


LIL WAYNE - MO FIRE


STYLES P - SOME NIGGAS


YO GOTTI - I GOT DAT SACK


PRODIGY - HNIC


ASAP ROCKY - GOLDIE


GUNPLAY - TAKE THIS


NATURE - YA HOMIE


MAX B - PORNO MUZIK


JUELZ SANTANA - LET'S CRUISE


3 6 MAFIA - LICK MY NUTS

"CUFFING SEASON" SURVIVAL GUIDE

OH YO THE INTERNET INVENTED THIS SHIT CALLED CUFFING SEASON WHICH IS KNOWN BY NON WORM DIGITAL FACE ASS NIGGAS AS "FALL/WINTER"

IDK THE LOGIC BEHIND LOCKIN DOWN PUSSY FOR THE WINTER SINCE PUSSY IS PUSSY IS PUSSY REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT ITS HOTTER THAN MY WIFE WHEN SHE READ MY DMS OR COLDER THAN MY APARTMENT IN JANUARY.

BUT NIGGAS DO IT SO I'MA ADVISE YOU ON HOW TO PROCEED SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO WIFE A BITCH FOR A SEASONAL POSITION.

IMA DO THIS SHIT IN LIST FORMAT CUZ ALOTTA YOU NIGGAS DON'T LIKE TO READ ESSAYS CUZ I KNOW YOU OUT THERE LISTENING TO CHIEF KEEF AND YOU TOO GANGSTA FOR LITERARY STRUCTURE & SHIT LIKE THAT.

THIS IS 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT DO WHEN YOU IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING A BITCH TO TOLERATE YOUR DISGUSTING HABITS FOR A FEW MONTHS…THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS THAT YOU GONNA PULL THE PLUG ON THIS BITCH EMOTIONALS AS SOON AS MARCH MADNESS IS OVER AND BITCHES ASSES START MAKING CAMEO APPEARANCES AT THE BODEGA. ALSO AS A SIDE NOTE DO NOT GO TO THE BODEGA TO COP A DUTCH FREEBALLING IN SOME AND1 SHORTS B. CUZ IF YOU SEE YADIRA IN THERE WEARING WHAT LOOKS LIKE CUTOFF BOXER BRIEFS YOU GONNA CATCH A BONER AND BITCHES WILL ETHER YOU AND YOUR LIL BABY THUMB FOREVER. BUT YO LEMME GET INTO THIS LIST SO YOU NIGGAS KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOURSELVES…




1) DON'T BUY HER A PET: NIGGA YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THIS BITCH IN THE DUST ONCE IT GOES ABOVE ROOM TEMPERATURE OUTSIDE, WHENEVER YOU BUY A PET FOR/WITH A BITCH, THEY ASSUME YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY MY NIGGA. SLOW IT DOWN, IF YOU SHOW UP TO MEET THE BITCH WITH A LITTLE BABY FLYING CHIHUAHUA SQUIRREL DOG SHE'S GONNA STOP TAKING HER BIRTH CONTROL PILLS AND NEGLECT TO TELL YOU B. THEN WHEN YOU SMASHING SHE'S GONNA WRAP HER ARMS & LEGS AROUND YOU LIKE A BABY POSSUM IN A TORNADO. NO NIGGA ON EARTH HAS THE STRENGTH TO RESIST THE WARM SOFT INNARDS OF A MOIST VAGINAL CANAL B. BUSTING A NUT IN THE PUSSY IS LIKE FOLLOWING THROUGH ON A JUMPSHOT MY NIGGA. IT FEELS VERY NATURAL AND SWAGGED OUT. PULLING OUT FEELS LIKE WHAT JOAKIM NOAH'S JUMPSHOT LOOKS LIKE. SO THE BEST THING TO DO IS NOT PUT YASELF IN THAT SITUATION, AIGHT?



2) DON'T LET YOURSELF GO: WHATEVER STANDARDS YOU WERE AT WHEN YOU BAGGED THIS BITCH MUST BE MAINTAINED UNTIL YOU KICK HER TO THE CURB ON APRIL FOOLS DAY. NAHMEAN NIGGA CUZ ATTAINING A BITCH IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER IS LIKE RED DAWN B LIKE YOU JUST BE WANDERING THE ILL PUSSY WASTELAND AND WHEN YOU FINALLY SEE A BITCH IN THE DISTANCE YOU GET OD HYPE LIKE "WOLVERINES NIGGA!" WITH YOUR DICK IN YOUR HAND & SHIT…NAH NIGGA, RIGHT AFTER YOU SPOTS THE BITCH SOME NIGGA MATERIALIZES WITH THE ETERNAL KUNGFU GRIP ON THAT BITCHES METACARPALS B. SO YOU GOTTA STAY ON POINT. "WHAT YOU MEAN MERO? GIMME AN EXAMPLE." AIGHT, HERE'S ONE, DON'T SHIT WITH THE DOOR OPEN. WHY WOULD YOU SHIT WITH THE DOOR OPEN MY PAL? I BEEN MARRIED AND ALREADY PUT OD MILES ON MY WIFE VAGINA AND I DON'T EVEN SHIT WITH THE DOOR OPEN ON SOME RECKLESS SHIT. MATTERFACT WHEN YOU TAKE A SHIT RUN THE SHOWER B. THIS BITCH IS NOT GONNA WANNA SUCK YOUR DICK IF ITS ADJACENT TO SWEATY SHITTY BALLS MY NIGGA. KEEP YOUR HYGIENE ONE LEVEL BELOW A GAY MALE MODEL AND TWO LEVELS ABOVE NIGGAS WHO LISTEN TO ANYBODY ON SHADY RECORDS.



3) DON'T SET STUPID PRECEDENTS: NIGGA DONT TAKE THIS BITCH OUT TO EAT ORGANIC EXTINCT MONKEY DICKS FROM FIJI ON YOUR FIRST 5 DATES. NAHMEAN THAT SETS A PRECEDENT WHERE IF YOU TAKE THIS BITCH TO POPEYES FOR LUNCH AND TELL HER TO BE EASY WITH THE SUBSTITUTING BREASTS FOR THIGHS SHIT, SHE'S GONNA BE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS LOOKING FOR DICKS FASTER THAN A CLOSETED GAY DUDE IN A FRESHMAN DORM. START OFF SMALL SO WHEN YOU TAKE THE BITCH TO OLIVE GARDEN SHE THINKS ITS A BIG DEAL AND WEARS A MATCHIN BRA AND PANTIES. NAHMEAN ALSO YOU'LL FUCK AROUND AND GO BROKE IN 2 MONTHS B THAT'S NOT WHAT "CUFFIN SEASON" IS ABOUT MY NIGGA ITS ABOUT MAX PUSSY GENERATION WITH MINIMAL MONETARY OUTPUT B.



4) DON'T LET THE BITCH REALLY MOVE IN: SON, BITCHES ARE LIKE BARNACLES, ONCE THEY ON YOUR BOAT YOU CAN SCRAPE THEM OFF BUT THAT SHIT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS AND ALSO THEY LEAVE A STAIN ON YOUR FRONT PART OF YOUR BOAT WHATS THAT SHIT CALLED? *GOOGLES IT* ON YOUR HULL B. BITCHES WILL BE STUCK ON YOUR HULL MY NIGGA YOU DONT WANT THAT. "MERO WHY YOU SAID "REALLY?" HOW CAN A BITCH NOT "REALLY" MOVE IN?" YO WHAT I MEAN IS THE MOST YOU CAN DO IS GIVE THE BITCH A DRAWER. GIVE THE BITCH ONE OF YOUR DRAWERS SO WHEN IT'S TIME FOR HER TO BOUNCE AND SHE TRIES TO GET LIVE AND LOUD LIKE SHE HAD YOUR KIDS YOU CAN TAKE THE DRAWER OUT AND SMASH THAT SHIT TO SHRIVELS ON HER WIGGINGTON LIKE NIGGA IN THE WARRIORS DID TO THE BITCH FROM THE GIRL GANG. JK I DON'T CONDONE SPOUSAL ABUSE UNLESS ITS FUNNY AND TELEVISED. ALSO IDK WHAT A BARNACLE EVEN IS MY NIGGA I TOTALLY JUST ASSUMED ALL THAT BARNACLE INFO BASED ON CARTOONS & SHIT.


5) DON'T INTRODUCE HER TO YOUR MOMS: YO THIS BITCH IS LIKE A LOANER CAR YOU GET FROM THE DEALER WHEN NIGGAS IS FIXING YOUR HEATED SEATS. SAME WAY YOU WOULDN'T GO PICK UP A DOPE BITCH IN A CAR THAT SAYS "CURRY ACURA OF HOHOKUS LOANER VEHICLE" MAD BIG ON THE REAR WINDSHIELD, YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO BRING THIS DISPOSABLE PENIS HOLDER TO THANKSGIVING & SHIT WHERE EVERYBODY BRING THEY WIFE & SHIT. NAHMEAN EVERYBODY THERE WITH THEY KIDS AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS THATS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE COSBY SHOW AND EVEN YOUR GAY UNCLE ETHAN CAME THROUGH WITH HIS FAKE WIFE THAT HE BEEN FRONTIN WITH FOR YEARS. YOU CAN'T COME THROUGH WITH THIS BITCH THAT DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS "WESLEYAN" B. THEY GON ASK HOW YALL MET AND SHE'S GONNA SAY SOME EMBARRASSING SHIT LIKE "LOCALHOOKUPZ.COM" OR SOME OTHER ASININE SHIT. THEN THE NEXT YEAR NIGGAS GONNA ASK YOU ABOUT THE BITCH AND TRY TO GIVE YOU LIFE ADVICE AND YOU GONNA BE SITTIN THERE OD TIGHT LIKE "FUCK UP ETHAN YOU SUCK WILD DICKS NIGGA! FUCK YOU KNOW ABOUT M/F RELATIONSHIPS B! FUCK ARE YOU DAN SAVAGE?" …EXCEPT YOU DON'T SAY THAT SHIT OUT LOUD CUZ HE'LL CLEMENTI HISSELF OUT OF PURE EMBARRASSMENT


6) MAINTAIN CASUAL DRUG USE: YO IDK WHAT THIS GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING BUT FUCK IT I ALWAYS LIKE TO PRETEND MY WIFE LIKES TO INDULGE IN CASUAL DRUG USE BUT SHE DOESN'T. SHE LIKES TO DRINK WINE AND TAKE A PERCOCET THEN MAKE WHAT IM ASSUMING SHE THINKS IS A SEXY FACE WHEN SHE GRINDS ON ME TO SOME REGGAETON OR SOME SHIT. IF YOU GOT A BITCH THAT DOES A DECENT AMOUNT OF DRUGS OR EVEN BETTER PROVIDES A DECENT AMOUNT OF DRUGS THEN YOU SUPER STRAIGHT FOR THE WINTER. LETS FACE IT B WHEN IT'S COLDER THAN HILLARY CLINTON'S WOMB OUTSIDE THE BEST THING TO DO IS GET STUPID HIGH, GET YOUR DICK SUCKED AND PLAY SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (OH SHIT I GOT THE SUPER SNEAKERS IM RUNNIN OD FAST OH SHIT OH SHIT *BA-DONNGGG!*) ON YOUR TV WHILE YOU EAT AN ENTIRE ENTENMANN'S CAKE. OH OH YO! I ALMOST FORGOT, BEWARE OF BITCHES THAT JUST DRINK OD AND DON'T DO ANY TYPE OF DRUGS. THEY ARE WEIRD AND PROLLY WILL SAY YOU RAPED THEM SO FALL BACK BEFORE YOU END UP ON A SEX PREDATOR LIST CUZ YOU FELL ASLEEP WITH YOUR DICK OUT ON SOME BITCHES COUCH.



YO I BET YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS GONNA BE 10 OF THESE BUT GUESS WHAT? BUY MY BOOK NIGGA. ALSO EMAIL EVERY NETWORK AND TELL THEM ABOUT MY EMMY AWARD WINNING CRACK SO I CAN GET MORE NIGGAS INVOLVED IN THIS BIDDING WAR YOU FEEL ME? THEN I'LL BE RICH AND I'LL THROW MEROJAMS EVERY SUMMER THATS LIKE THESE PARTIES THESE NIGGAS BE THROWING EXCEPT THERE WILL ACTUALLY BE BITCHES THERE NOT 1000000000000000000 STREETWEAR COWARD NIGGAS IN NONPRESCRIPTION GLASSES AND "COOL TSHIRTS"…I SHINE, YOU SHINE.

AIGHT THAT'S IT FOR NOW I THINK MY SON THREW MY WEED OUT THE WINDOW BRB GOTTA GO BEAT HIM MERCILESSLY.